Karen & Austin~edd=11-15-01
2001-10-15 18:41:05 (UTC)

Bad bad bad(:p)

Back in March when my bf and I got into a huge fight I met
this 34 year old guy.I wasnt interested in him much but he
had a thing about him.We never really did "it" but I liked
seeing him the 3 times we hooked up.So I havent seen him
since March.
Today he buzzed me on yahoo IM by chance and asked if we
could hang out.I didnt care who came over to watch Rikki
Lake with me as long as it wasnt just the damn cat.So I
took a shower and watched TV until he came over at about
11:30a.We talked for a long time.He tried to kiss me when I
was sitting in the chair and I didnt let him.Then after a
while I thought about how my bf acts strange and all.How my
bf would never try to see me after 7 months and how bad I
feel around him.I sat on the couch and cuddled with my old
time bud.He leaned over and kissed me.That time I didnt
stop him.We made out for a while.That was pretty much all
that happened.I didnt want to close my eyes and I didnt
have to go much further than just cuddles.Ive never felt so
nice a feeling as to look into someones eyes and know that
I didnt have to do anything else to be happy.I know I dont
love my bud.He occasionally stops by and we hang out in a
diffrent way.Love is when you always want to be with that
person.My bud has a girlfriend an Ex wife and a little
girl.We both need a "Time out" sometimes.Thats what we have
to offer eachother.As long as we're giving eachother a nice
break from boredom without swapping stuff then it feels
regret free.He was supposed to be working but thats on him.
I wonder how his new girlfriend or my bf would feel about
him dropping by to visit today.My bf would be so stupid to
say anything about it if he found out so I wish he would
find out.Where has he been while Im alone all those weeks?
Out with Randy at a computer get together."If you dont take
care of her/him someone else will."I dont want to 'take
care' of him anymore.
Ive spent this whole weekend at my sisters house.Its like
spending the weekend at my bfs house except I didnt have to
have sex and I could smoke my cigarettes without hearing a
lecture.Those things matter a lot oddly enough.Did I
mention the part about not haveing to have sex?Thats a plus
now.I dont feel to attractive after gaining 21 lb.s and no
longer haveing a belly button.My shoes dont fit in the
morning because my ankles swell throughout the day.Why
would I feel even prittier?The motherly glow is only a kind
way for god to add the color we'll need when we cant sleep
the whole night anymore.Im hungry,so maybe I'll write
later.Im going to make a PBJ and a glass of milk.Bye for

Frank and I are on speaking terms.I call to check on him every now
and then but he doesnt bother me and austin that much.He's behind on
CS for July but its not that bad.Oh,hes going through a phase now.Im
a lil worried really.He stops breathing in his sleep so the hospital
is sending him home with an oxygen tank for bedtime.I told my mom"He
cant keel off.Whos gonna explain his mess to austin?"I told him in
all truth that I hope he feels better.I really honestly care about
him feeling good even though he has done some shitty stuff to us I
have feelings for him like an indirect family member.If that makes
any sense whatsoever.Point blank I want him to be ok and I worry
about him but I still think he's an asshole.