shifting mists
2001-10-15 16:18:24 (UTC)

nobody's perfect ...

... *soft smile* ... this was an assignment given to me last night by
my Domestic Violence Survivors Group advocate ...


My soul cannot thrive and be nurtured in a relationship that
includes ... what?

... abuse ... whether it be verbal, emotional, physical, or
otherwise ... this does not mean that if i were in a long term
relationship and something were to happen that i would not make the
effort to find professional help before leaving ... but it does mean
that if it was not immediately resolved that i would leave ..

... regular or heavy use of alcohol, tobacco or recreational
drugs ...

1) ... alcohol? ... because it causes fear and discomfort for
me ... an occasional beer or whatnot is not a problem .. an
occasional evening of getting "blitzed" is definitely a
problem ...

2) ... smoking? .... simply because i'm allergic ... severely
allergic ... even the scent or taste of tobacco on someone
can cause me to begin to sneeze or have other allergic
reactions ...

3) ... recreational drugs? ... the only recreational drug i
approve of is marijuana .. the only way that i approve of
this drug is if it is used on an extremely rare recreational
basis ...


My soul will thrive and be nurtured in a relationship that
includes ... what?

... smiles and laughter ... because they make my heart lighter and
help me to battle my depression ...

... emotional bond aka love ... because that is what makes people
want to spend time together ... care about each other ... it is what
causes people to want to work at being together ... and because it
makes being together in a healthy relationship feel good ...

... equality in mutual effort ... when both partners are willing to
equally share the responsibility of making the relationship healthy
and happy ... when they are both equally willing to strive for
compromise and the resolution to issues that arise ... being
supportive of each other emotionally and otherwise, in my opinion,
goes along with this ...

... caring ... it is important when in a relationship that the two
people watch out for each other... this concern for each others
welfare demonstrates their willingness to keep each other safe from
harm both from themselves as well as from outside sources ...

... understanding ... people with understanding make the effort to
work towards giving empathy or sympathy ... they are aware that
everyone is different and that there is more than one way of doing
things ... i need this because, like all people, i am an original ...

... honesty and trust ... both my trust in my partner and their trust
in me ... trust is extremely important ... this is what makes people
within a relationship feel safe and secure ...

*** ... i believe that fidelity fits under the "trust"
heading ... it is my opinion that at the beginning of any
relationship the two people need to establish boundaries about
what is and isn't 'cheating' and stick to them ... this means
sitting down together and discussing each person's definitions
honestly and coming to an understanding together ... extremely
important ... this is what makes people within a relationship
feel safe and secure ... ***

... communication (which is intimately dependent upon trust) ... this
is something that i have a problem with due to my own high
sensitivity towards ridicule ... i often hold things in because i
feel stupid, silly or whatnot ... but ... when the trust is there the
communication is much easier ... and when both parties are equally
dedicated to trusting and communicating openly the two qualities will
continue to strengthen each other...

... respect ... to be treated not as a possession but as a person ...
to be treated as an equal ... to be recognized as having worth by my
partner ...

... freedom ... i have difficulty with being smothered ... i need the
freedom to be myself .. to think and act independently ... to have my
own friends .. my own hobbies .. my own thoughts .. dreams .. likes
and dislikes .... and the modicum of privacy it takes to have these
things ... for though in a healthy relationship the two involved make
up an important team .. they are also individuals with their own
needs ... as a team it is important to help each other fulfill those
needs ...


... sometimes people "slip up" ... everyone makes mistakes from time
to time ... no one is perfect ... the things i list here are not
negotiable ... but at the same time, if i were to see warning signs
or something emerging i would try to sit down and discuss that with
my partner in an effort to resolve things before "running for the
hills" - and i would expect this same courtesy from my partner ...
why? ... because as i've already said, i understand that nobody is
perfect ... everyone slips up from time to time and sometimes all
people need is a bit of a reminder to realize what is happening and
pull them back on track ...