Eclipse

Eclipse of the Soul
2001-10-15 10:57:43 (UTC)

Now...

I've been going out with Adam for about 5 months now. Stas
went out with Natalie for a little while but not anymore.
We've both been trying to start again but it's hard.
Especially when you've lost part of yourself. Last night
Stas and I had a long talk regarding the past 2 years...
We've been going through the exact same thing. It makes me
so angry that anyone could do anything like this to him. I
care about him a lot and I hate to see him being hurt. He
almost got back together with Kassie a few times but she's
hurt him again and again. I've tried to discourage him-
trying to keep my own hatred of her out of the picture- but
he still loves her. As he says, "Love is blind". I have to
admit... this is indefinitly true. At one drunken point I
actually called Kassie and told her I didn't want to see
him get hurt anymore, so just date him for godsakes (she
was so cocky and holier than thou and just ARGH!). I told
Stas my main issue. It's hard, if not impossible, for me to
feel anything but hate and remorse and just plain sadness
anymore. At times I fool myself into a sort of artificial
sadness but it never lasts for long. There's always tears
behind the smile. Adam is making it better, but I wish I
could just let go of the past. Regain what I had lost and
just get on with it. It's hard... We're both so drained
now- empty.
I promise this is the last of the long soap opera
entries, the rest will be a little more normal. Maybe.
We'll see.