It's Been A Foxy~ Day
2001-10-15 09:11:01 (UTC)

He Woman Man Hater's Club

October 15, 2001

I'm sitting here at 2am talking to a friend of
mine in California. She's having a hard time with her
boyfriend and I feel really bad for her. I mean, why would
you treat someone you claim to "love" like complete
garbage? He scares her on a day to day basis with talking
about suicide. I'm starting to fear for her, but I know
that there's nothing I can do for her here in Vegas.

There's also the matter of my love life. Or
should I say; what love life? I screw guys and then ignore
them until I want another roll in the hay. Why can't I
just ever be happy with just one person? I was happy with
Rob, but he seems to be pulling multiple Houdini's on me
and dissapearing. And like an idiot, I always welcome him
back whenever he shows up again. I don't understand why I
do stuff like that, I know that I still love him and he
loves me too. But, I shouldn't let him do this to me
anymore. I know that I've said that one on numerous
occasions and I have lost that bet with myself.

And then we have the subject of Jason. I don't
even know what to think about me and him. It seems like
we're friends, but each of us wants more from the other.
He's just the only one that will admit it. Funny thing is
when he admits it, he is screwing like 7 other girls. And
he wonders why I refuse to get away from Rob? I know that
I would most likely be more happier with Jason, but I know
that he doesn't like Rob because Rob has something that he
wants. Just like all his little "whores" have what I want,
even though I don't like to admit it to myself or others.

And then there's the subject of Brian. He's the
new one and he' perfect in every shape, way and form. But,
I don't want that. Everyone wants perfection, everyone
besides me. I want someone who is quick-witted, knows what
they want in life. Yeah, Brian is all that and above. He
does own his own buisness, own his house, drive a really
NICE bmw. He's a really great guy, but I don't think he's
looking to settle down anyways. I can't believe in the
whole year that I have known Jason for, this is the first
time that I have come to the realization that he's the one
that I want to be with.

Mood- confused, but happy that I know what I want in life

Song I'm listening to- Someone Elses Star by Brian White