the one who got away

lost somewhere inside of me
2001-10-15 03:16:16 (UTC)

emotion

have you ever been played with....like your mind was thrown
into a whirlwind of fantasy and lies.......thats how i feel
right now
i was just spending sometime with a friend of mine and as
ususal things got flirtatious.....when he left he knew
there was something i needed to talk to him about..he had
been drilling me all night about the fact that i was
thinking about us.....and he wanted to know what was on my
mind...i just kept telling him that i was fine and that i
wasnt thinking anything....of course he didnt by that and
so he let it go and said well when you are ready youll tell
me.....about an hour after he left i was ready to talk....i
called his cell--no answer......so i waited about 15
minutes and tried again--yes successful...now is the hard
part actually telling him.....so i took a deep breath and
spit it out....his response let me call you back in about
20 minutes--as he laughs and hangs up the phone.....i was
crushed....the one thing i was afraid of had just happened
i let my guard down again.......i believed him.......i fell
into that trap...."i have feelings for you" he said " they
will continue to grow b/c i care for you" so he says
I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN. he has a freakin girlfriend why did i
even bother getting to know him.....why did i even bother
becoming so close....i knew i would attach
myself....but "thats ok b/c i attach myself too" quote
unquote
how could i have been so stupid? he walked all over
me....him and his best friend they probably planned it...i
even planned this great evening of surprises just for him
that he " absolutely adored" "no one would have ever done
anything like this for him"..... i was so pysched finally
someone appreciated the fact that i am so sweet and the
little things mean so much to me i figured i would return
the favor thats just how i am....but no that blew up in my
face apparently
im just along for the ride.......screw this
im done.......i cant handle the constant lies.....the " im
different than most guys" why couldnt i have gotten the
clue when his roommate was telling him to screw with my
emotions....that should have been the wake up call but no i
just kept right on ......opened myself up let all the fun
in and became the welcome mat...that he wiped his feet on
i hate being so freaking gullable....why am i so trusting?
these tears are making my exit tonight.....im out