whoami?

me, confused? who'd have thought?

so, one minute i think i have things pretty much figured
out, the next i'm back to square one. now i get confused
about many different things, scared that i'll make the
wrong decision. but my main concern at the moment is what
to do about my relationship with my boyfriend of over 3
years.

most of the time things are good. and lately he's really
been going out of his way to be supernice. but sometimes it
doesn't seem to matter. i still feel like i want to be on
my on and experience new things. that may seem to be a
decision right there. if you want to be on your own hen
break up with the guy. easy to say, but i love this guy and
he means the world to me. he's been my first everything and
my best friend for the past 3 years. i don't want to lose
him altogether, but i still feel that i need my space.
seems like we want way different things right now.

I'm not gonna lie, it makes me feel good when other guys
notice me. I have NEVER cheated on my boyfriend, and don't
ever plan to. so don't get me wrong when i say that i have
other guy friends. this year i met some of the greatest and
most fun guys to hang out with, but they are not friends
with the boyfriend. now he did try to be friendly the one
time that they all met, but they are all so different, so
they'll never really be able to hang out. that's fine, but
sometimes when i hang out with the guys, i feel like i
don't need a serious boyfriend to have a good time or to be
a complete person. and there are guys at school who notice
me and say nice things to me, and it makes me feel nice.
but then i see my boyfriend and want to be with him. it
never seems to be a clear cut answer and that's what i'm
waiting for. a sign from God telling me what i should do
for me.

so,i'm on fall break at school right now and i'll be
leaving to see a friend in Kentucky Thursday and i'm
staying til sunday. My boy on the other hand is goin o fla
for 2 weeks to see his family. this means 2 and 1/2 weeks
without seeing each other. i know i'll miss him, but i
think i'll take time to figure out what i need and want and
how to get that in the easiest and most painless way.

any advise? give a girl a break and let me hear it!