So ia m sitting here right now wishing that my damn roomate
doesnt come home. maybe its because of her personality I
cant stand anymore, or it could be i just want to be alone.
maybe its my time of the month mood. i am not really sure. i
just feel so god damn depressed. talking to joe is the only
that seems to cheer me up lately. I just he knew how much he
makes me happy. I want nothing more then for us to be
together. maybe that is another reason i hate scranton so
much. because he isnt a part of my life here. i think i know
that people like me, but i dont know. i am just so insecure
about myself. not only how i physically look, but what i say
and how i act. i cant stand it. I have had this problem
since the 6th grade. perhaps it was the dori santos
incident, who knows. i hate feeling like this. like not
wanting to be around anyone. or talk to anyone (except joe)i
am even hoping jess wont come over. i dont knwo whats wrong
with me. god i wish i knew. joe thinks i should tell my
parents that i hate it here. but he doesnt understand. my
parents will never let me tranfer. and even if they did,
where the hell would i go. i cannot believe i choose to come
here. why in gods name. maybe i didnt have a choice. i dont
know. any my grades. i dont know whats wrong wiht me. i just
cant study lately. i jsut have too much shit on my mind.
there was a time in my life when i could sit down and
acutally study. i cant now. i am either just too lazy, or i
just find other shit to do. i dont know waht i am going to
do without jess next semseter. there are times when i cant
stand her, and i get so mad at her, then there are other
times when she is so good to me. she understand exactly
where i am coming from. and she knows how i feel about joe.
she knows how important he is to me.