Alex's Angel

....cailin....

i had a dream about him. i dreamed he was goin out with someone and i
saw them together and they both looked so happy. that dream basically
showed me emotions i've been trying to hide.

im still not over him, and it still hurts me to accept the fact that
we will never be.

i guess thats the reason im still using his locker. i mean its not
because i really need his locker(well yeah i do kinda need it), but i
dont want to not use it. i havent even made an effort to look for a
different locker i could use.

what the hell is wrong with me? why do i keep going back to him? why
do i keep holding on to something that never existed? and now im
pissed off at myself cus here i am again shedding tears for this guy
that has hurt me so much. how stupid is that? this is love. i can
feel lit in my heart that this is love, and it upsets me because he
cant feel the same way. its not even because he really cant, its
because he doesnt want to. why did i ever let myself fall for him
when i knew he wouldnt be able to catch me? we werent even going out
and i let him break my heart...

everything reminds me of him...
-being woken up in the morning by the ringing of the phone
-sitting on kasia's bed
-sitting on my sister's bed
-graveyards
-my wallet/school ID
-my glowball
-the big collage on my room
-my big hoop earrings
-my blue skirt
-my fave pj's
-my locker mirror thats on my wall right now
-the couch in the livingroom
-the movie 'Mortal Kombat'
-the shell that i glued on the pic frame i made
-my FAVE black shirt
-the dock in whiterock (which i havent gone to since the night i
asked him out)
-being tickled
-hanging out at a beach
-Burnaby Mountain Park
-the song In The End by linkin park
-the scars on my arm....

everything always seem to lead back to cailin. i cant get over him.
and i know i'll never be happy until i do...