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2001-10-14 05:44:02 (UTC)


its happening again, this time i caught it in time, but is
that better, standstill fucks everything. anyway, whenever
i watch something for a very long time, usually like a
movie or going out on the town then coming back to home,
insanity takes over. im not sure why, but typing usually
gives me some lead on an answer. this time i was watching
a couple serial experiments: lain episodes, tho i usually
only watch 1, i watched 3 today. it was subtitled, so i
think that i remained conscious enough so use my left side
of my brain. anything prolonged is bad. any change
hurts. even when im depressed and pray for contentment or
an escape, and i start feeling relief, i feel reluctant to
take it, im pretty sure its because i hate change in my
moods. or it might be cause i don't think i deserve
happiness, it really depends on my motivation of my
depression. shit, parents coming home, have to go, if
anyone i knew personnally knew about my feelings id be
fucked. i type until they come inside. so

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