Cowgirl_Mom

Delays, delays, and more delays....

Sorry I haven't written, been either too depressed or
didn't feel like there was much to say. Well, D is still
convinced that this deal with him and his g/f will work
out. More power to them! He seems to think that it's no
big deal to call me at 2 in the morning and just for me to
be available whenever he wants me to. Then, he wants to
lecture me on how I need to find someone for me. Look,
just because you are hung up on this girl, doesn't mean
that I need a man! My God, I am finally relatively happy
in my life, I don't need another person to worry about!
Every time I talk to him, there's one more day or one more
reason why his g/f isn't on her way yet. I think in a way
he knows that this deal is screwy (with him and her) so
when he talks to me, he is trying to convince himself that
it's not. Personally, I really don't care. After the last
couple of emails from this girl, I have lost all respect
for her and for their relationship.
I have, and will continue to do so, support them in their
endeavor to be together, because as D's friend, that's what
he wants. But so far as actually having, hell, how do I
say this, like feelings about the two of them together?
That is LONG gone! This is his choice, and if this is what
he wants, then hey, GO FOR IT! I told myself a long time
ago when my ex-husband left me, that I would NEVER settle
for second-best. I would never be second-best to anyone
else when it came to the person that I was with, nor would
I ever be in a relationship where the guy was seeing
someone else besides me, and we were serious. Well, in
this case, I let both happen.
I played the 'other woman' to someone else being the
primary woman, AND I also was being treated like the
primary while it was convenient, and then shifted back when
it wasn't. Well, I got news for you bud, whatever! I
deserve more than that, if and when I get involved again.
So now, little does he know, that wall of Jericho has shot
back up again, and he can not hurt me again. If he wants
to have someone that treats him the way that I have seen,
allows abuse on his supposed best friend like he has, wants
to play games, well, have it.
I have so much going on for me now, I really don't even
have time for it. There are many times that I say that I
am checking into "No Drama Ranch". Well, I got that from a
very close female friend of mine (spiritual sister) that
had just bought a ranch when I met her, and named it such.
How ironic that she ends up losing the ranch, because
of 'drama' with her at the time boyfriend. But however
weird it may sound, working with these kids at the day care
has been the best thing of my life!
Come Monday, I will have 16 kids! But it's like each of
these kids comes with a story, and my job is to bring a
happy ending to the story. I hope that makes sense. For
example, I found out Friday that one of my kids, which I
had noticed wore a pet collar with bells on it on one
wrist, that actually, he had a seizure when he was younger,
so he doesn't use that arm very often, so the bells are to
encourage him to use it.
These kids give such unconditional love!!! They don't
bring the drama that adults do! They just want to love and
be loved! They are little sponges, it was like on Friday,
they were bringing me zoo animals that were in their toys,
and wanting to know what they were! We are talking about
elephants and koala bears! These are 1.5 to 2 year olds,
wanting to make sure that they pronounce elephant and koala
correctly! They have been with me all of 3 days, and my
little guys, when they were leaving Friday and their
parents would tell them to tell me bye, were blowing me
kisses! Sorry, I am really enjoying working with these
kids, can you tell?
I need to get back to studying on my rebuilding blocks, I
know. I got into the 'adaptation' rebuilding block, and
took a break, I promise to work on it within the next 24
hours. Today not a whole lot of exciting stuff happened, I
got my nails done this morning, we discussed the next steps
as to what we shall change with my hair (lol), and then I
went to my grandparent's to get my son and visit them.
My son absolutely blew me away when I came home, got his
Reader Rabbit CD-ROM, and let him play with it on the
computer over there! He was doing REALLLLLY well, even all
on his own! Oh my goodness, he is soooo smart!
Then, after awhile, we ate lunch, came home, and he and I
took a nap. I worked on a friend's PC that is locked up (I
think I just about have it fixed), and then later on this
evening, I started cleaning up the apartment again.
I have noticed with this whole mess of working at the day
care, I will hopefully lose weight, but I am definitely
using muscles that I didn't realize that I don't use as
much! I am sore, and I don't even do anything overly
strenuous with these kids, but I should be shaping up here
directly, hehehe!!! But anywho, when I get out of there,
get home, get dinner made for the kiddo, I am not ready to
be cleaning after that!
I usually just sit here, chat with friends on the internet
(Thank GOD for them!!!!) and then after awhile, go to bed!
So I am trying to pick up the apartment a bit over the
weekend, to keep it somewhat presentable!
Anyways, this has been boring enough, so I leave you with
just one of the very endearing (sarcastic) emails from my
supposedly b/f's girlfriend....have fun (oh, and get this,
it was titled 'Here Hoe')!!! Talk to ya soon~~~
hey you nasty fucking fat pussy lickin bitch keep my name
out your fucking mouth alright what i do is none of your
bussiness i donetold your fat ass that shit one time i dont
give a fuck you know me and daniel just broke up because
you cant keep our bussiness out your mouth so u got what u
want i hope your fat ugly ass is happy!!!!

okay you didnt wanna stop calling and he
didnt want you to ... he prove to me your more important
tonight then i was ok he took ur side so i am hoping your
happy! you just fucked it all up /.... the guy i thought
loved me was all about you tonight!..... looks like he
cared about you more... i'm proud of you... you did
everything to make it work out great ... you was so full of
shit when you told that to daniel... trying to just be his
friend bull shit you want him back and i aint fucking
stupid well there the one i love is all yours thanks for
fucking it up ... congrad!!!!!
:*( toni