.Scream Your Dream.

i'll make this one quick...

so yeah, everythings messed up, i got so frustrated, today,
trying to reason with my family, it really knocked me down,
so i left it at that, i got my hair cut earlier (it looks
real cute by the way) and i talked to my hairdresser for a
whole long time about all this stuff, shes real smart,
anyway so later i guess i got so used to talking to someone
on the same level and my brothers ignorance BLEW me away, i
couldnt even take it.

anyway enough abotu that stuff, why am i becomming fixated
on jim, this is so weird, first his step brother mike, now
him, god, hes not even a catch hes like really screwed up
in the head i think, he told me about his x-gf's past bf's
rape issues. i wanted to have a real conversation with him,
but i couldnt cause i was throwing my self at him too hard
and he was being too polite and real and it was bad, the
only time i felt comfortable that entire night was talking
to him about local shows and venues, but i guess thats
always comfrotable for me.

i dotn know, whats with meghan asking me where to do a show
in DE, i havent seen her at a show since the wild child
over a year ago, weird. its sorta messed up, she didnt
even know adam's band name and wants to do a DE show, no,
doenst work liek that.

i called jarred today, why, why in the world did i call
him, that was such a bad idea, i shouldve got the hint when
i touched his shoulder on friday and he pulled away, i
wasnt trying to swoop in, i knew he wanted to be alone, but
then why did he went me to stay over on friday, i know
nothign would happen, but still, our relationship is messed
up and calling him randomly, at night, is nto the way to
figure it out.

i wish jason wasnt so dumb and wasnt so attractive so i
could peacefully be his friend.

i saw a dead cat on the side of the road, whats with that.

fuck fixations. it'll mess with your head.

i havent talked to steve graham with a real conversaion in
a long time, makes me think hes moved on, add him to my
list of boys who just needed a shoulder to cry on and then
got to move on. fran, jeff, steve, and soon to be clint.
thats the way of it, and i understand, i guess it doesnt
matter.

im goin to bed it'll be 11 soon and i wanna watch clerks
tommrow morning before my dad comes to bug me.

note to self: fill out applications by 12. it's good for
soul. i need a new job, and i jsut got email so im gonna
check that and go crash, (and burn)

sarah
kisses.