Mind of a Wierdo
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2001-10-13 16:46:51 (UTC)

It is too early to be up!

Okay well not really, right now it is like 9:30 (West coast
time of course). I dont kno why but I just woke up and felt
like shnit. I dont kno ..... lately I have been feeling
depressed. And I feel even worse when someone asks me why
or why I am feeling sad ..... and I cant tell them. I guess
in a way it is a bunch of things. Hard to explain. But I
guess I can always try. It is like lately all the people
that I knew so well are turning into strangers. Now I dont
kno if this is me talking or someone else ..... but that is
just how I feel. Like I was gone for a realllly long time
and just got back. And it seems that lately I have been
upsetting Chris. I dont even know what I am doing and he
expects me to. But I am bound to find out. I shouldnt be
talking about all this cus it is making me more depressed.
Gut feelings suck! I get them all the time and it is like I
dont want to find out what they mean or if they are even
true. Life just sucks for me. I just don't kno if I can
talk to anyone anymore because sometimes I feel that I am
not even heard. And I find myself repeating myself all the
time. What is the point of living if it is going to be
repeated over and over until I cant take it anymore. I just
don't see it. ......................Okay ..... I think I
should stop with all that now. I MUST change the subject.
On to something more warm like to see if it changes my
entire mood. Monday--nothing exciting happened on that day.
Tuesday--went to my Psychology class afterschool till 6 and
then Daria, my mom, and I went to go see what Daria and I
could use for a costume. Wednesday--came to my moms house
where now there are three guys staying. David (cus he lives
here and he is my brother), Daniel (cus his mom kicked him
out cus she thought he stole 3 bucks. That is sad), and
Scott (cus his dad tried to kick him out at 2:30 in the
morning but Scott ended up leaving anyways). Other than all
that I don't think anything exciting happened that day
either. Thursday--I was up allllll night working on my damn
homework. I guess that is just what happens when you do
your homework last minute. I was up till like 2 the next
morning doing homework .... and I STILL didnt get it done!
Friday--I went to the movies with Chris and we saw Corky
Romano ... it is an okay movie I think. Some parts were
pretty funny. Then we went to eat with my mom, older
brother, and his fiancee Heather at Govea's (a mexican
restaurant) and then we took Chris home. Now after that is
when I feel kinda bad. Chris said he was goin to call me
later that night. Well once I walked in I kinda dozed off
and he called and my brother handed me the phone and Chris
seemed pretty upset ... either that or it was because I was
half asleep and it sounded like it but there was some
important stuff we had to discuss that is why he said that
he would call me. And that just adds to my stupid
depression. I just feel ............ like shnit........ and
I hate it. But for now that is all ....... I am sure this
day will either make a change or be the same and add
on ......... we will see ..........