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2001-10-13 12:22:04 (UTC)


today i had the crappiest day.i had to stay home all day
and do nothing because my parents were up tight and wouldnt
let me go out... well i eventually got over it. later on we
went to hire some videos and i got this about this chick
who kills her step father and falls in love with this werid
kid who has been following her round for ages.... anyways
the point is i came to thibk how much i really do love
lee... let me fill you in a bit. lee is this guy that i
have liked for ages and and thought at one stage that i had
a chance with him. i eventually came to realse that, as
hard as i tried to make things work and as hard as i tried
to not listen everyone when they told me that he wasnt good
for me and that he didnt really like me...i found that they
were all true and that he didnt care about me. that hurt me
so much that i cant even begin to explain but no one seems
to relaise. my best friend thinks that because i'm young
that i cant possibly fall in love, just because he hasnt
doesnt mean i cant! and that really irratates me....i am in so i love that i dont know what to do about it
anymore. i wake up thinking bout lee and go to sleep
thinking about him and i hate the thought that he doesnt
feel the same as i do. i've treid to explain it to him many
times and in every way that i possibly can but he just
seems to think that this is some highschool crush and that
probably i'm annoying the living hell outta him. all i want
is for him to feel the way i feel, even if its not about
me. i want him to see how painful it is to love someone and
then hear about them being with someone else behind urback
after they've told u they like u. and i want him to love
someone and try hopelessly to get them to feel the same way
back towards him only to have it rejected in his face.
well thats mostly the story and today i felt really, how do
i put this...depressed(theres no other way to say it) i
felt as though the world doesnt understand me and that no
one knows who i am. not the real me anyway. maybe it was my
experiences as a child that i havent told anyone
about.....maybe its finally hit me and the impact of that
experiences have finally come to affect me....whatever it
is, it made me feel as though i am no one in this world.
and if i stop to think about its true. who am i? and what
am i here for? there are so many children that die each day
and i sit here worring about my crummy love life, maybe my
life would be better off in the hands of someone else...?

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