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2001-10-13 07:41:54 (UTC)

Saturday, October 13th, 2001(228am)

Today's party sucked. Denai ended up hooked up with Wyatt
and Jarod got real pissed about it. This girl, who is
staying over at Dai's house again, is really getting me
worried. I hope he is a trustworthy guy.

It really sucked that Justin could not come down for the
weekend. But oh well, I am sure he does need some rest
after being so sick for such a long time.

I cannot believe I am falling for this guy. He does not fit
any requirements I had always built up in my mind while
dating Elijah. Maybe I never did take Elijah that serious.
I was just really emotionally attached to him. I feel bad
now because I don't know where he stands in our
relationship. I hope I didn't hurt him so much in turning
him down. OUCH!

Back to Justin.

I am afraid of this relationship that is and is not
starting. I don't want to confirm to one person and at the
same time, I don't want to lose him as a good friend. I
really do treasure the friendship we have since it's so
hard to rely on people here. I am really glad I met him and
that we did start to hang out. It's so much easier to talk
to him than to any other person I have met in the US.

There's a huge problem: I can't stop thinking about him.
Everything I do, everywhere I am, I think about him! HELP!
I was hoping he would call today. He didn't.
I feel stupid everytime I have to stop myself because I
can't stop thinking about that one night we kissed. It
keeps roaming around my thoughts. DAMN! I would do that
again! I am afraid we are going to cross the line though. I
do analyze things too much! Oh my goodness!!

I have to go back to my priorities. I am doing fine in
school. My GPA is still up at 4.0. I hope it stays there
because I really need to keep my scholarship. It's seemed
to be so much harder for international students, but I
think I am doing fine adjusting to the new environment and
the work burden. I am glad I decided to come to college.
Right now, I am just hoping I do get the scholarship I am
going to be applying to next weekend. I hope everything
works out perfectly. I hate to see mom and dad struggle to
get the money through.

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