HeartnWings

LONG LIFE TO LIVE
2001-03-07 15:10:49 (UTC)

Well, it is..

Well, it is today..............I stayed at my parents for
the night, me and Kathy got into an argument. She seems to
think it is ok to be atracted to other men. I disagree with
the subject. Maybe I am over reacting this this alittle,
but it bothers me so much. I guess I am just afriad of
losing here to some one else. Never been this much in love
ever! She is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen and
that scares me so much. If I could take back all I had siad
to her last night, I would, but I over reacted now I know.
Saying sorry would only be a plee bargen to enjoy another
night of the same argument! I rather have these feelings
out in the open, so we don't have to face it agian. Life is
getting really boring with out her happy with me. I can't
understand her, if I hurt her so much, why then is she
still with me? But never the less, she has to think about
how I feel about this, as I do for her. I take into
consideration how she is feeling. There is just one
problem, I cant seem to figure out why she is always hiding
things from me.( feelings/secrets/and affairs) If she would
just tell me, the response would be less painful and I
would be able to forgive her for these mastakes. Instead
she hides them, I find them, and we fight about them
constantly! I look at it like this, if she isn't going to
it agian, and she isn't guilty of these things she does,
then why must they remain secret? She on the other hand has
a different point of view. I love her to death, but I am
afriad she is driving me to suiside......... depression is
the worst, and I lack handle on it I admit. I just hope all
works out and we stop this childish game, before it comes
down to this. Please do understand, that I play a big role
in this too, it isn't just her. I feel insacure. I have a
fear of losing her, even though she endlessly tells me it
would never happen, thats what they all say. And its not
that I dont believe her, I just feel like I am going to
screw things up so her opinion changes, and I am alone
agian. Only this time, I prefer not to continue in this
life without the one thing I need most, Kathy. Without, I
am nothing to myself. Just some poor washed up fuck up with
an aditude about life and the journey it holds ahead of me
that I alone cant handle.

TRW




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