lost in the dark
2001-10-13 04:23:07 (UTC)

Pissed and not feeling the best...

Entry, 3 beers and no supper make for more dizzy person.
I am not too sure how to go about this. I have tried to get
hold of Star since Tuesday. Left messages for her to call
me, and even messaged her saying that I wanted to see her
again. It takes 4 days for her to get back to me. Saying
that she is sorry that she was not able to call me back.
She should have known that I stay up late at night. And
phoning me at 11pm at night is not late at all. It feels as
if I am getting the run around. It is not that I have tryed
to get in contact with her, through every means possible to
contact her. I know that it probly sounds as if I am a
stacker, which I am not. I just wished that I was able to
see her at least once during the week. I know that school
and friends at school and Studying probly keep her really
busy. But, still if I took the time to call her, at least
she could have phoned and left a message saying that she
got my messages. Pissed is not the word. If she got every
message that I gave her then there should be no reason not
to call me. Even to say that she does not want to make
anything of this. I am one of those people that don't like
being Jack around. If she has meet someone else that makes
her happier then I could make her, then the more power to
her. But, to leave me hanging and not returning phone calls
that is just not right in my books. Hmmm, what is the word
I am looking for, Proper. Nothing like adding another
Brick to the pile that I already have. And wonder why the
pile is so big. If I keep getting treated as if I don't
exist because I am a good guy, maybe it is time for me to
become the ASSHOLE that everyone is. Jesus. What is going
on with this world ?
Can't a good person get any respect at all. I am not even
sure what to look for anymore or to even try to look. Every
time that I act myself around people, it is either, Ohhh,
you are not doing that or this right. Then I get to see the
door. I don't ask for much out of any woman at all. If I
had my way I would spoil the woman to death if she just
gave me respect, Just like I respect her. I am not even
possesive either, Jealious maybe alittle. But, even being
Jealious is not in my stature. Shit, Shit. I could almost
punch a wall. But that is not me either. I am really glad
for something like this Entry. It lets out what is inside.
Dam, just to sit down and talk is something that I look
forward to sometimes. Or just to be in the cmpany of that
woman that I would like to see. Sometimes, just to feel
wanted by a woman is something to hold and charish. I don't
think that there is anything in the world more charishable
then to hold a woman in your arms and not think about the
future, but just the present moment. Shit....

Lost in the Dark...