Innocent Girl, Interrupted
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2001-10-13 02:45:27 (UTC)


Dawls. It's a common nick name of mine. I'm nto a complete
idiot, so I'm going to keep my real name on the downlow.
Anyway, I'm 17 years old... a Jr. in High School... anti-
prep, pro-freak. If there's anything I cant stand, it's
people who are fake. Why do preps make wonderful
mannequins? They're wonderful posers... and I cant stand

I'm often missunderstood. I'm not one of those suicidal
people who tell the world, "HEY! I'm gonna kill myself if I
dont get some attention!" No, I'm better than that. I'm not
psycho... I'm not even crazy. I guess I can say
I'm "slightly disturbed." The book "Girl, Interrupted" by
Susanna Kayson is my 2nd bible. Her thoughts I can

I recently got out of a long relationship. The puppy-love
kind. Lasted a year and almost 7 months. The best 19 months
of my life, I thought. I was happy... I was in love. I was
happy... notice the humor in that? I've never been truly
happy until I've been understood. My best friend Jared
knows me inside and out. He's the greatest thing that's
ever happend to me. He understands me, b/c we think exactly
alike. Our only difference is I've never been addicted to
cutting myself, and I havent been sent away yet. He is
currently on psycho pills, and I'm heading down that

Psycho? Nah... I'm not psycho. I just need a "mood
stabalizer" they say. I've made many recent trips to the
doctor and hospital for brain tests for passing out. It's
either a seizure thing, or hypoglycemia. Lovely
combination, eh? Not only will I be on pills for one of
those, but I'm currently on Acid Reflux medication, and
soon my "antidepressants" or w/e the hell they're called.

Hell. Okay, I'm a Christian. Fooled you, huh? Yes, I go to
church every Sunday... I was recently baptized... I was
saved when I was 11... yet, I'm slipping away from God. I'm
embarrassed to call myself a Christian if I'm not living
the title, which recently I've slipped away from. I used to
be a big Christian, and part of me still is... but my mind
is so torn apart that I cant concentrate on my morals. I'm
pretty innocent when it comes to a lot... I can honestly
say I've never tried any type of drug... I've never been
drunk... I never drink unless it's Christmas or New Years,
and even that is just some wine w/ the family... I dont
smoke... tried it once when I was 12 and it was sickening.
I'm a virgin, proud to say. So yea, I guess you can say I'm
pretty innocent... but I've been disturbed.

I'm scared. For the past couple years, I've had a small
depression problem, but it keeps getting strong and
stronger. My ex and I always thought we'd stay close, but
we're now far from it. He doesnt understand me at all...
never did. I HAD to always be happy around him b/c he didnt
like Jared's depression problem, and I didnt want to be
compared to a manic depressant. But now, I know that I need
Jared. We live off each other... we understand each
other... no one understands either of us, so we're
basically alone, yet we have each other and that's all we

I spend all my free time w/ him. Like today, after our 2nd
block exams at school , we left and spent all day
together just hanging out until 9 tonight. Rumors fly that
we're dating, but we dont care. We love each other... but
we dont want to have the dating title b/c it causes
complications. We're BEST FRiENDS... aka, *FRiENDS w/
BENEFiTS*. We're not dating, yet we spend ALL out free time
together, make out w/ occasionally ...sounds a lil crazy, huh? If
you're into all that soap opera crap, then keep updated on
me, b/c you just might be surprised at how some things take
a turn. We're friends w/ benefits... we need to give love
and receive love... everyone needs that. So is it a crime
for 2 depressed kids to open up to each other and give love
out when we need it? I think not.