Ad 0:
2001-10-13 00:50:42 (UTC)

I am a horrible person!

Yes, that is I. I am a horrible person. I told Josh I care
about him, only to hurt him. It makes no sense. Being so
far apart and trying to start a relationship. He doesn't
seem to understand how much I like him and care about him.
I only spoke to him once today, and that was on the phone.
We came to the conclusion that we are "on hold." And as
much as that kills me, it needs to be. I don't want anyone
else. I only like Josh. Sure there are attractive guys on
campus. Hell, there are even nice and sweet guys on campus.
There are guys that I really enjoy talking to. But none of
them make me feel the way Josh does. He makes me more
comfortable with who I am. He listens but, more
importantly, he talks. Lots of guys listen to my crap, but
Josh actually talks back. I don't know if he truly likes
me, or if it is a purely physical attraction he has to me.
He always seems to mention that I am "beautifull." Which is
so adorable that he spells it with an extra "L" at the end.
He probably doesn't realize it, but even if he does it is
still adorable. He is so smart and wonderful. He deserves
to be happy. I am affraid that I can't make him happy,
because I have such a fluctuating personality. One minute I
am exuberant. The next I feel death. He is normal. I would
just bring him down when I am down, and make him feel blah
when I am extactic. So now what do I do?
There is this guy. His name is Josh. I told him that I
really like him, and he took it to the next level. Then I
broke his heart by telling him that a relationship so long
distance is impossible. I am a horrible person.