ChellsterZ

Chelle's Thoughts n' collections
2001-10-12 10:48:43 (UTC)

thoughts..

hmmmm...
i went out to the bolivar dam with steph and amy last night.
we sat there for hours talking.

haha we cant quite figure out why they call it a dam...when
there is no water and cars can drive over it...its more of
a bridge with a huge ditch on the sides...
but anyways...

it was really awsome.
i dunno we just talked about everything from guys to
religion.
I love them both to death....
and its weird cuz like amy said..she never gets close to
people that fast...and neither do i.
i mean we've known eachother for over a year....but have
only been hanging out for alil over a month and im
completely comfortable to talk to her about anything at
all...same with steph.

I normally try not to get close to people really fast
because im very careful about who i can trust...etc.

The one friend that i did get really close to fast and
thought wouldnt lose...
just kinda ditched me over the summer for really no
apparent reason.
It really hurt cuz she was my best friend....and she had
a really rough life n' we'd talk on here EVERY DAY since
she livez down in coshocton (hour drive).
and then id drive down on weekends she wasn't up here at
her dads.
but then one day she just kinda dissappeared out of my
entire life and somehow managed to pick up a new best
friend and there i went.
now i ask to go down or whatever n' shes "too busy".
Id never bitch to her about it or even let her know it
bothers me...because its not like im "jealous" that she has
some other friend than me i think thats great...
but it really does bother me that i got replaced like
that. But some things are just better left unsaid ya know?

but things like that are the reason i dont like to get
close to people.
alot of people i get close to...kinda just get taken away
or something goes wrong.

you dont really have to do that if u hold people at arm's
legnth.

same things with guys.
i dont get close to many that i "dated" or get in a
relationship with..cuz i always got hurt.

With B it was probably..no..WAS the biggest, cuz i was nuts
about him and got dicked over again and again.

With Kev it wasnt really his fault..i dont think he
intentionally ever tried to hurt me..he just knew at times
things couldnt possibly work with the circumstances n' just
kinda pushed me away so i wouldnt get more attached.
lol like that worked.
Its crazy with him cuz we still talk...n honestly even
though i havent told him i still love him...or him me. (we
admit we "like" eachother)..
i know that we both still do..u can just tell.

ah well im off to KSU for a college day thing...
figures id get up on a day i dont have to go to school at
6am and go anyways!
~chell~