eidolon

shifting mists
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2001-10-12 06:04:39 (UTC)

the need for reassurance ...

... it's amazing how much better i feel emotionally and anxiety
related after i spoke to you about my feelings concerning the
discussion we had about your brother and my feeling unwanted ....

All the fear has left me now
I'm not frightened anymore
It's my heart that pounds beneath my flesh
it's my mouth that pushes out this breath

... i felt so silly you see ... i knew it was silly to think that
just because your brother might be bothered by my presence in your
home that you would also be bothered .... that just because he might
say no about me coming to visit or want me to not stay as long as
planned that you wouldn't care one way of the other ... that it
wouldn't bother you .... but that was exactly how i felt .. what i
feared ....

Peace in the struggle
to find peace
comfort on the way
to comfort

... i didn't want to talk to you about it because i knew how silly it
was ... that i was wrong to think and feel that way .... because i
already knew that you didn't/wouldn't think that or feel that way ...
but it was eating at me anyway .... i guess i just needed to hear it
from you ... i guess i just needed to have confirmation that my fears
were exactly that ... silly, paranoid delusions ....

and if I shed a tear I won't cage it
I won't fear love
and if I feel a rage I won't deny it
I won't fear love

... thank you for being so supportive ... so understanding ... i
really do know you are not the way that my imagination tried to
portray you ... i guess my subconscious (and self-confidence) just
needs a little reassurance now and then ... and i believe in you so
strongly ... love you so deeply .... thank you for being you ...

Lyrics courtesy of the song "Fumbling Towards Ecstasy"
by Sarah McLachlan.


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