sex kitten

life of a porn star
2001-10-12 00:29:36 (UTC)

road to recovery

well today was average. i am recovering from my predicted
disapointment just fine today. but there have beensomeweird
side effects lol. when i went to bed last night i had all
these dreams about matt. it was really weird bc i havent
talked to him since june. i know its bc ed remeinds me of
him. they both have that macho attitude about them that i
love to hate.its so annoying that aftera year and a half
latr i am bein haunted by matt.when i was talking to tom, i
felt like i was talking to matt. and then i have these
dreams abot him. so i guess it means that i really want the
type of relationship that i had wih matt again. he was a
cool friendand we were quite comfortable with each other.
all these guys ive been with are like i dont want a
relationship right now..lets just e friends. GRRRRRRR those
are the worst 4 words ever. i have been throug tree guys
since school started and i relly want to settle down. its
sooo frustrating. and then i have all these guys on my
buddy list that i used to go out with o talk to and now i
am just siting there staring at there names. im s lonely
lately. then i come hom form school and have my usual tal
about life wih jared and i feel so dumb bc i am not as
intelectual in the same way as he. i am so full of shit
sometimes. so i really love being his friend and im glad i
dont have to have feelings for him. bc he is inlove with
sara and i am so ok with that-even though he used to be my
whole world lol