Blood on my Hands
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2001-03-06 19:44:27 (UTC)

There’s a girl in my class..

There’s a girl in my class who’s really popular, and her
name’s Aimee. Aimee Spicer. She’s always been the class
popular one, the best at sports, the prettiest. I’ve never
known her too well. Because we have identical-sounding
names we tend to steer clear, but as she’s worst enemies
with Paula and Sophy (that’s right, my best mates) I
sometimes meet her and talk to her. She’s a nice person.

Aimee recently fell from her seat in power and had to start
talking to us again, she came back GROVELLING. I felt so
sorry for her, all her mates had abandoned her. She has
never done anything horrible to me and I’ve always admired
her, so I tried to be nice. I’m not saying I wanted to be
best friends, but obviously Sophy and Paula got jealous and
narked. Sophy told me never to speak to Aimee again.

That’s what did it. Sophy can’t order me around, it’s not
UP to her who I’m mates with. I had a fight with her, in
my head…. I wouldn’t dare to question Sophy in real life!
Anyway, I sit next to Aimee in two lessons, and we chat
irreguarly. I’m afraid of the little power she still
wealds. She knows I wouldn’t contradict her if she started
slagging off Sophy and Paula, and she takes advantage of
that. But she doesn’t do it knowingly.

Sometimes I sit there in lessons and just look at Aimee
from my seat on the other side of the room. She has this,
I don’t know – melancholy look about her which makes her a
lot more attractive. You know, when people smile they
sometimes look like idiots, but someone sitting in quiet
depression often looks gorgeous in a strange way. Aimee
looks like that most of the time. She has shoulder length
blonde hair and grey eyes, and has a very fit body. I just
wonder at how amazingly pretty she is a lot of the time.
Then I stop myself and think how much I sound like a
lesbian, but I can’t help thinking the girl’s beautiful can

The thing that disturbed me is today I found a note written
from Aimee to another friend of mine, and it says ‘I also
think Amy Bourke is very pretty.’

That’s me.

It stunned me. For someone like HER to think someone like
me…..! It’s such a small thing, and it’s not piss-taking
because she doesn’t know I’ve read it. I’ve always known
I’m not like her. I’m not even attractive, for god’s
sake. But Aimee seems to think I am. It’s a huge
confidence boost, I just wish more boys would agree with

: - (

: - )

I feel so good. And so strange at the same time. I don’t
know how to explain that I know she’s wrong, but what if
she’s right and I am pretty, but no-one ever told me.
People have told me I’m ugly, in their hundreds…….

But no-one ever said that to me before, and meant it.