once again
2001-10-11 04:46:18 (UTC)


I wanted to shoot myself in the foot this morning. 9 a.m.
Shawn called. it's not that he was avoiding calling me, he
actually couldn't call me. Sunday afternoon he got into a
car accident. Some old lady pulled out infront of him and
he didn't have time to stop and he got hurt. He said that
he bruised some ribs and back and head damage...but his car
was still drivable. I feel like such an asshole. I jump
to conclusions about so much and it's not like I don't have
a right to, it's just that when he does finally cal or what
not I don't believe him. Although with this one, I don't
know. I know he was in the accident because he has to fix
his car...but was he really in the hospital and for that
long? I know it's only a few day...3 but it's not like him
to go unless he's really hurt. Maybe I should just give
him the benefit of the doubt. I think I will. But if this
happens again and he has another convenient excuss then all
hell is going to break loose. I'm stopping dead in my
tracks and asking myself if I really want to do this
again. The only thing I see clearly is that I love him and
when he is with me I can make him decent. He works his ass
off to make me happy and if that's what it takes to
straighten him out so be it. I care about my happiness
for once and I know that when I am with him I smile all the
time and I get so giddy about the next time I'll see him.
Even when we lived together and worked together I would
miss him until he got home from work or until he picked me
up. So his first car accident and he was actually saving
money to come here and he has to spend it. He took the
full coverage insurance off his car and the chances of him
getting money for it are slim to none because it'll take
forever to sue the ins. companies. I hope to God this
isn't his way of backing out on me, even though he swore
today he would still be here.This accident has taken my
time too.