Wired Differently
2024-02-12 10:12:55 (UTC)

My story:Chapter 13

Chapter 14
2019 February
I'm sitting outside by the pool, checking my tablet. I haven't had proper internet access in years, and getting this tablet feels like a whole new world has opened up for me. t's still very quiet, as it is every Saturday morning; everyone sleeps in, but I like to get up early. As I hear the birds singing and the early sun begins to warm my skin, I will soon feel as if I am in an oven; Florida is always like this. I finally convinced myself to purchase an electric piano from Amazon. I've always wanted to learn to play the piano, and as I look through, I find one for $60 that looks good. I also get some learning books, and just thinking about starting to learn to play the piano makes me feel better.
Two days later, my piano arrives in a massive box, and my inner child emerges as I run to pick up the surprisingly light box, almost hitting someone.
There is a bench near my apartment, and because it is late and my roommates are sleeping, I open it outside; when I look at it, I forget about all of my problems for a brief moment...
The place I practised used to be a small room, and I woke up every day to practise, which was a lot of fun. I learned the notes from scratch and practised every day, and I enjoyed it. It was my morning routine, and the small room was in the same location as the tiny gym.
I made friends with a band that played music in the style of the 1950s. On one typical morning, one of the members informed me that it begins to sound like music. And I swear, the pride I felt made me shine.
If you asked me what I miss, I would say this: practicing piano. After I left, I did not continue to practise, and I would love to do so again.
All I need to do is adjust my time management and I'll be able to practise again. The way that personal guilt can prevent you from doing things you enjoy or want to do is fascinating. But right now, I need to regain my motivation; I've recently noticed that I'm losing motivation and it's taking a lot of effort to complete my routine. I mean that when study and work prevent me from doing things, the only thing that keeps me motivated is exercise, which I keep injuring myself because I push myself too hard. I find it difficult to stay motivated, and all I want to do is sleep to escape my thoughts. It can be difficult to heal from current situations because I am still affected by past traumas, and believe me, I am doing my best to get through it, but in my lowest moments, I struggle and cry nonstop. hose are really difficult times to go by, but at least I'm allowing myself to experience my feelings and realise that it's okay to not feel okay. I work hard, pay attention, and smile at people, even though I may not seem upset. However, once I leave the office, I feel like the situation becomes even more confusing.
I finally convinced myself to return to therapy; I will return on Thursday and am ready to fully heal.