2023-11-08 03:09:00 (UTC)



I'm gonna tell you what I told Z.

You make me feel like I'm the reason the stars come out at night.

You make me feel like I'm the reason the Sun and Moon wake up every day.

You make me feel like I'm the reason that the flowers are always bloomed when I find them, as though they were waiting just for me.

You make feel like the word 'special', and 'love', have indefinite meaning.

I don't know how to explain to you that nothing you do is unseen, unheard, unfelt, unnoticed. Nothing. Absolutely n o t h i n g.
I'm sorry that I play sad music when I'm doing homework, or that I spend a lot of my time sad, and in the clouds, in the past, everywhere but here and now. I can't get out of my head, I told you this. It's so much harder for me.

It just, it takes time. I'm okay, I promise. I know that maybe... I know that maybe its really hard to see me gone so much, but, Patrick, baby, I promise you I'm right here in front of you. You always pull me back. I have always been right here. I'm not going anywhere, and you will never lose me. I need you to understand that. Everything you do is enough. Everything.

And I see what you see. Maybe not all the time, but I do. I do sometimes, and that's better than ever before. And eventually, when I figure my shit out, we both figure out how to be nicer on ourselves, and so on, it will get easier. Don't let my pains, and my tears, be your burden, be the rock that drags instead of anchors.

Please, I beg of you.

I will be okay. I just process differently.

It is okay.

You are okay. Baby, we are okay.

God, fuck, sweetheart, the love of my life, my sweet husband, I love you. I love you so damn much, it almost hurts.

We are okay.