A lifetime of pain and healing
2023-11-21 01:44:35 (UTC)

I feel like I sound like a ..

I feel like I sound like a broken record. My husband decided it was a great idea to buy alcohol knowing he hasn't worked since July and my hours are cut down. I have no idea where he got the money or how much money he has. I am so frustrated and feel like I have an assortment of feelings. I'm not as upset about wanting to leave him as I am that things didn't go the way I feel it was supposed to. I feel like I worked so hard to put my ducks in a row and do things right and I was so genuine. I wanted to get married and build a family and live a decent life. Right now I feel it's just blowing up in my face. I feel I've done everything I can to repair our relationship. I feel I've accepted my future isn't with him. It just hurts that it's all falling apart. He just acts like he doesn't care and that I'm not going anywhere just because he says he got married to only get married once. Like I don't have a choice just because he says so. I'm also kind of scared because I feel like he would do something crazy like murder/suicide and off us both. I also have to separate my thoughts because for some reason somewhere I've got the idea I'm a failure and there is something wrong with me because the marriage doesn't work out. I can feel the shame so deeply and intensely I don't know if I can face it from other people.