Vanilla

max my dog

I am in some kind of toxic relationship with M. Don't get me wrong it's healthy. But it has a slight level of toxicity. Or maybe it isn't healthy and I have this wrong. I need more. I don't know what, I just do. I strive for better. I miss max. But I also don't, because ultimately it brings nothing. It isn't security. She is cute and sweet and loved but it doesn't bring real security. She couldn't protect me when jack did what he did. Or that random guy Paul. Or anyone. It's fake I guess. It wasn't really real. We are there but unsure. My bpd world was effecting her. In this moment I can see how toxic me and max were. It was too much. I did the right thing. Tyler's opinion means shit all. He barely understands himself let alone me or max.