Screened_in_porch

Sinking in the Sand....slowly...

Well shit...this is the day my credit card is due. The pyt is over 400 bucks. I still have our cell phone bill to be deducted and a couple other small items...that auto deduct...a little over 50 bucks...so, the payment for the CC is gonna have to be put on the back burner...It worries me that this late pyt could affect my future ability to do that consolidation loan...which I wish every day now that I had already done....waiting on the rates was a big mistake....but most of it was his inability to do anything to get us ready...he still has not worked on the trim around the back door...which was the main thing. He waisted time discussing it...making promises....but would not allow anyone to help...finish it....and now here we are....here I am....holy shit...

He is not bringing groceries into the house like he had been...so the cupboards are not stocked...no supplies of food or items needed to get through some sort of emergency....we are barely getting through the month with no emergencies....just life stuff. I know it is not just us either.....

and no, I can not go get a job at the moment...wish I could....I can barely walk.....thinking back on it...wishing I had went ahead and let them replace this right knee....as it is the problem for now...and flares up without warning once I have been on my feet a while...not giving me enough time on my feet to get to a job....or do one. The weight of the bookkeeping...is pushing me down to a level that I will be drowning....as he is. I was doing the best I could...and yes, I have done without...still doing without....all of us are.....even with her working to help......still the same ole same ole....I could rent out this 4th bedroom..if I had too...and it is about a have too....at the moment....but I have not brought it up to them....
it is just a plan C or D...not sure.....a most likely plan that won't happen....we really do not have enough room here for another person.....

She said she would try to pay the fees....I am positive there are gonna be many brokers to not pay these first of the year fees...that seem to be climbing higher each year.....for us to come up with 1662 dollars...LOL what a fucking joke. We might be able to do it after we file our taxes...cause a refund should be on our horizon...but even that is not a for sure thing....and even if...the fees would be paid so late...I am sure we would be raped to our death with some late fee....for all them....so it will be like being between a rock and a hard place.....FUCK IT...

I give up.

I am not paying the CC bill. I instead will go pick up some groceries....and medical stuff....he needs...she needs...and I need. I will have a missed payment....and wear the badge of FAILURE until things change.....and I do not see anything changing...I only see things getting worse....

probably real fast too....

stay safe.....
be kind...
try to remain calm...
and positive....