tw sui pt 2
i can’t take anymore of this. i can’t take all these things i see invading my mind, i can’t take how much i don’t want to do anything to myself but want to so desperately at the same time. there’s no one to listen to me. i tried to open up and just got blamed for taking pills when i didn’t. its like the universe wants me to die. everything and every being wants me dead it feels like. there’s no escape yet this route is chasing after me and entrapping me. soon it’s gonna be enough. i don’t think i have the strength to do it today. or maybe i so idk. i don’t want my dog to be left alone. but i don’t want to be alive anymore. every route is driving me insane because it doesn’t feel like i can fully follow through with any. but i can’t just stay here. i can’t live anymore it hurts so much i can’t even explain how much i hurt. i try and try but it’ll never equate to these many long years of suffering. i’m just a fucking kid. in a year i wont be but i never saw myself making it past that. i’ve lost everyone. i have no one anymore, and no one cares because there is no one to care. no one cares until your dead and gone forever. but what’s been on my mind is would any of them even notice or know that i was dead? i don’t think they would. i don’t think anyone would through a fit about me being dead, about how much the system has failed me my entire life. but it’d be nice if someone did. maybe the next person wouldn’t have to go through this. maybe that’s why i need to die. i don’t want to live anymore and maybe this is all i was meant to be. my full potential was to just suffer my entire life until i ended it for myself. and then just become a wake up call for the mental health system. maybe people would care. maybe id be doing everyone a favour. no one would have to worry about me anymore, i wouldn’t be a problem anymore just like how i’ve been a burden my whole life. honestly it feels like i can off myself at any moment. any moment is perfect. i’ve already written a letter before and my moms seen it so there’s nothing else. everyone knows how i feel, how i suffer. there’s nothing left. and i hope i won’t be either. or know i wont be.