The lonely codependent

It kills you or makes you stronger

I don't know why I'm hanging out with the wrong person again if I know that could kill me slowly in the long term. Even my body knows what the right thing to do would be.

But my subconscious mind obviously still doesn't. If it did it would have allowed a guy who is ready commit into my life a long time ago. Now it's too late and my faith is totally gone. I think that's my excuse for being a sinner and I don't care whether or not someone accepts it who has never been in my shoes.

Of course, watering won't save a plant that is already dying. And you don't put dead plants in a brand new house. So what's gonna happen? I would say I want to see a miracle because I think I have learned enough to make that happen around me in a practical way and not just in my head. But reality says this is unlikely.

So the question is yet again wgy I've ended up in a situation again where I'm just wasting my time. I don't care about anything else. You can keep all the other answers I don't know but this one I'll keep seeking till I am finally able to break this vicious circle. Hopefully before I turn 70 (I'm just close to 30 after all).