diary of me
I’m killing myself today, tomorrow, and the next day.
I never felt happy. Not even once. I keep thinking about happiness, but I don’t have it. I’m tired and crying and just a fucking wreck. I’m not enjoying life anymore, and every day it just feels like I’m killing myself. Every day I wake up and die. I do it again and again and again.
I’m not okay and I know that. I’m never okay. I’m alone and sad. I’ll be lying if I said I didn’t want to kill myself. I’ve been thinking about it too much lately. I’ve been thinking about cutting myself again. The urge is immense. Life feels intense like a roller coaster that I can’t handle. And I love roller coasters so that says a lot.
I find myself not eating as much anymore. I’m so distracted by my thoughts that I can’t focus on eating. I can’t focus on anything lately.
Life feels pointless. Life feels dead. Life feels . . . like nothing.
I don’t know what to do. I’ve lost interest in everything. Do I need to move onto another medication to help me? Do I need to see someone else to talk to about this? Or do I just end it all and let things go?
I just need to know I’m not alone in this. Like someone else gets what I’m going through.