dhiya

why im not enough

my life has changed and its time to be happy yet im stuck in the past and afraid of people like my only insecurity was my weight and ive been hitting gym and lost around 12 kgs now yet im still not confident yet ppl around me thinks im rude coz of my makeup and here im afraid of them its not about being rude but im scared they will judge me also im wearing makeup because im insecure and i wanted to look confident i wish i could go around in bare face yet look good .i wanted to leave here and be independent ,live alone and i want to experience good or bad by myself learn by myself and here im 20 years old and have to beg for permission to go for movies even if they are convinced they act like ive eloped with some guy and not even talking to me .when will i be able to be by myself this is not the life i want this is just not right . the fear of living the same life then getting married with random guy and have kid taking care of the kid and next ???am i gonna die just like that??these kind of thoughts are killing me i freaking dont want this lifeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee this freaking middle class lifeeeeeeeeee. im jealous of ppl at this point.