someoneprobablydelusionallol

Disgust.

Omg. I feel absolutely disgusted with myself rn. Like today I was kinda forced by my parents to go to the PsyChoLogiSt (I have to go there every Friday, idk what for bc I think I’m better now etc) andddd I literally broke down crying because of one topic we were talking about, I can’t with how weak I am to cry like a lil bitch literally without a reason but that’s not the reason I’m writing this. The psychologist said she suspects me of having some uhhh disorder? I’m not gonna say it’s name because it makes me even more disgusted by myself lol… so turns out I wasn’t just “introverted and quiet”, I never had different values and quite odd way of thinking compared to ppl my age, im just retarded :DD kewl, soooo kewl. To be honest I would rather have a really shitty personality than a disorder that’s usually associated with kids running around pointlessly and doing weird shit with their hands. Lol. P.a.t.h.e.t.I.c. But no, I can’t even describe why this suspicion made me feel so… bad. A lot of people have it (that disorder lol) and they live “normally” heh “at least most of them” but bro I never had that much of signs- I mean I was weird since a child but bro. Something like this? It’s just, why can’t I be normal, why can’t I be like 99% of my classmates who live the fullest, have normal stable lives and a group of friends. Lol. I’m not saying I have trouble with friendships now but DAMNNNNN SO MANY PPL ARE 100% MENTALLY HEALTHY WHY NOT ME. WHY. For now it’s just a suspicion I’m not getting diagnosed or anything, I don’t think I really want it. Haven’t even told my parents and I’m sure I’m not doing that anytime soon. All my mom does is yell at me for the slightest reason, no point in making her opinion on me go even lower. Uhh yea, that’s it I’m really feeling like shit rn, hope tomorrow will be different etc lol