someoneprobablydelusionallol

Hahahah

Bro I literally hate myself so much right now that if I had something sharp next to me it would be interesting hahahaha hahahah nice. So funny, 2 months and NOTHING like that occurred. Suddenly when mother is next to me constantly gaslighting me, im willing to kms (toomuchofapussynevergonnahappen). I wipe the water around my nose and wish it was blood. My blood. Why such a scumbag was even created. Besides I feel so fucking helpless. No matter what I say it’s never gonna be taken seriously. Even if I died right in front of her she would still say im overreaction or just making things up. Lol. When I almost fainted she went like “omg but when we’re somewhere else you never feel bad” bro did I chose that? DO I LOOK LIKE I FUCKING CHOOSE WHEN I ALMOST FAINT BRO. My legs were trembling and vision became… odd, like different spots were dancing in front of my eyes and my head felt heavy. And ofc I’m still making it up! Ofc I’m “feeling bad” because I’m too lazy to spend a hour in church, yes mom your 100% right! When you yell at me and make me feel guilty it’s definitely going to go away because I’m making everything up ain’t I? Nobody ever believed what I said, when I told my mother how I feel about a certain thing she replied “no you don’t”. Bruh. All my childhood the main unspoken ruke was “children need to shut up and obey”. Lol. And to think years of things like that led me to crying like a baby when my dad apologized to me once, because I thought I didn’t fucking deserve that. I want to die and rot away in the most painful way possible. AND TO THINK SCHOOL STARTS TOMORROW. TOMORROW. GODDAMNIT. TOMORROW ILL BE THROWN INTO A GROUP OF PPL I DONT EVEN KNOW. Tbh I’m not as much scared as I used to be like a month ago? I feel I’m ready lol. Idk how I try to stay optimistic and wow it’s not going that badly. Still wanna die tho haha