I ordered some Vitamin B complex off of Amazon last week. It was the only item I bought for Prime Day (50%, I mean come on). It arrived about a week later and by that time I had forgotten that I had even ordered it. Being curious as to what Amazon would send me sua sponte I opened it up, only to be disappointed to find the bottle of Vitamin B I had ordered a week earlier.
A day later I decided it was time to move the Vitamin B bottle from the Amazon envelope into my bathroom. Lo and behold, as I looked into the Amazon envelope, there was no bottle to be found! My suspicion was at first directed at my dog, but she informed me that she doesn't take said pills because they would cause an adverse reaction to the flea, tick and heartworm medication she currently takes. My next, very reasonable assumption, was that someone must have entered my apartment and stolen just the Vitamin B out of the envelope (by the way I used this same train of impeccable reasoning when I noticed that my shower was still wet when I returned in the evening from work, I outright dismissed the chance that heightened humidity could delay the water uptake into the air thing that would normally dry it and immediately leapt to the conclusion that someone had entered my apartment, showered, and then left (by the way, i theory whole-heartedly endorsed by my dog)).
Today, i went on a walk with my pup and i found the vitamin B bottle on a table in the common area, it seems as though, upon opening and being thoroughly disappointed by the contents of the package, i had somehow managed to allow the Vitamin B bottle to roll out onto the hallway floor.
The other day, after spending 3 hours waiting for my state inspection sticker, i decided to treat myself to taco bell. Being a Flame Tier Rewards member, I used the app to secure a great deal on the new volcano taco. i ordered about 10 minutes in advance for pickup in-store.
Thankfully, by the time that i had arrived, they informed me that they hadn't even started my order. This would allow me to witness some entertainment with my meal as i had hoped. there were three ladies in the kitchen, one, the matron and apparent manager, was about 195 years old. The other, looked like she was on work-release and dangerously close to having such privileged revoked on account of a sudden, violent outburst. The third appeared to have taken every drug known to man all at once.
It was the third who would (eventually) be making my order. Whilst waiting on my order, a woman, name Caroline, popped into my field of view. it appeared as though caroline had been waiting for her food for a total of 25 minutes. Caroline, channeling her inner-Karen, had had enough.
"I'll have you know, I have been waiting for 25 minutes, I ordered 25 minutes ago, I have a baby in the car!"
this had the predictable effect upon the workers to unite them in hatred for all customers eliciting the retort:
"You have your baby in the car?"
at which caroline sputtered, now having been put on the defensive and explained,
"she's with my husband y'all, in air-condition!"
this brief interplay however, served to placate caroline as the elder of the establishment assured her that her food was to be prepared next.
in the meantime, this gentleman came in and ordered thorugh those new kiosks they have as humans are becoming more and more disposable. however, much to the chagrin of the elderly matron, he sidled up to the cash register, which promptly solicited this harangue:
"what you need?"
"i want to pay"
"you ain't got a card?"
this caused a collective sigh amongst all three workers and prompted the matron to come to the front. the man produced a $20
"$20? i ain't got that kind of change?"
"Well that's all i got"
"well then I can't give you change, either order more or get a card."
the man appeared so dumbfounded by this response that he was literally struck dumb for a few seconds. he stood there, presumably contemplated adding to his order, then avowed to everyone within a mile that,, "this was no way to treat customers and that he would let corporate know."
Upon his exit the fourth employee seemingly returned from his break (during peak lunch hours).
"hector, you been out for 30 minutes, where you been?"
"i was on break."
"hector, we need you back here, get on station."
to which hector responded by grabbing a spray bottle, a rag, and making his way out to the dining area. he then proceeded to clean each table with a thoroughness that i would hop to see in most surgical areas in hospitals. the matron was watching this with hands on hips, seemingly contemplating if it was worth her going after hector, she finally decided against doing so and went back to doing whatever she was doing back in the kitchen.
in the meantime, work release program and drug addled employee were collectively working on my three items. i thought it was maybe the unnatrual amount of baja blast in my bloodstream but it seemed as though both were moving at an incredibly and almost unnaturally slow pace. it really seemed as though time was moving slower. this was confirmed when the matron came around the corner, hands on hips and declared,
"i swear, you two gots yo asses dipped in molasses, i's never seens twos peoples moves so slowly."
the response to this was that ms work release declared that this observation had gotten her "fucked all the way up" to which her response was to just disappear.
by that time, matron remember that caroline's order had been sitting, finished for some time (a fact that caroline reminded her of as she had offered to go behind the counter and get it herself). in the interim, caroline's husband, baby in tow had come in. just by judging the baby's expression i could derive that caroline's hsuband was likely a piece of work. upon receiving their order they immeddiately declared that two chipotle chicken tacos were missing.
drug user of the year was meanwhile diligently putting the volcano sauce on my taco with an accuracy that made me think that she was in the wrong line of work and maybe should be in the field of building nuclear reactors. this hope for future employment opportunity was quickly dispelled when she promptly stared at the volcano taco for quite some time before wrapping it. upon affixing 3 taco bell stickers onto my to-go bag to ensure it woudl not open, i received my food.
i left hector, the matron and crew to enjoy my food.