rotten

wild uncharted waters

i just came back from seeing the little mermaid, and i'm feeling... like i always do after i leave a movie theater. it's this weird, kinda dissocia...tive(?) state that occurs, where i'm ...slightly manic, i guess? i feel fulfilled somehow, in a way that i can't describe, because nothing in my life has actually changed (obviously) and i don't know. it's just... weird. and i'm using so many dotdotdots omg. i've written about this mood a bunch of times but i've yet to successfully explain it, even to myself. i guess i just get so into the world of whatever movie i'm watching that i can't just... hop out? everything feels unreal for some time afterwards. it's probably the 'all-aroundness' of the movie experience; there's the visuals, the music, the language. being so intensely focused, keeping track of the plot, living alongside the characters. all the emotion, all the stimuli, the whole shebang. it makes sense for it to absolutely fuck everything up for a certain amount of time, right? i think it does. but the experience still almost floors me, every time. now it all comes together in the song i added as the title of this entry. somehow that was one of the most impactful numbers in the movie for me, and jonah hauer-kings' vocals in this??? oh. my. god. the song itself i guess is not that special, although i'm not a musician so i have no idea really, but for me it's ... everything right now. for some reason. i've had it on loop in my headphones ever since i left sa at her bus stop, and i'm not getting tired of it - it's been over an hour. i'll revisit this in a few days or a week, but i'm pretty sure the situation will not be that different.

it's tough trying to otherwise comment on the movie. i've always hated people who want to discuss movies immediately after seeing them - i can't do that, i don't understand how anyone can, but i mean. i guess not everyone experiences movies like i do, as fully or at least not as... bodily? is that a word??? i have no idea but what i meant to say is i guess not everyone's corporeal awareness is as stronly affected by things as mine is. it did seem a bit, uhm, stuffed, somehow. the movie, that is. there was a lot going on all the time. i think i would've preferred to have everything simplified a little bit, not have everything told to the viewers, spelled-out and such. i get that a lot of decisions were made for that movie and they wanted to showcase everything, but at times i was just like "...why?". i think i'll probably fall straight into a rabbit hole if i do this, but i'm gonna try and find out the reason they made erik be adopted, why they wanted the island culture to be how it was, etc. it had been ages since i last went to the movies and i do admit; i absolutely love it, even with everything it makes me feel afterwards. i wish i had enough money to go more often. this time we had serie tickets mi had gotten from her bf for christmas that were about to expire, so it cost me nothing. it was funny to follow the translations btw - multiple, because in this country you *always* get two sets of subtitles; closed captions in two different languages, finnish ofc and then swedish underneath - some of it sucked, but most were nicely done... one brain is just not enough to keep up with both (or all three) languages tho, not at the pace the lines were changing anyway. me and mi both tried, haha. ahh language is such a fascinating thing - the bus on my way home had this young couple signing to each other, and i uhm, well. did my best not to stare, but it was difficult as hell! i LOVE sign language(s). maybe that's what i should consider studying...? i don't know. i'd like to learn asl, and ofc finnish sign. asl seems to have idk, smaller gestures? ok maybe none of this makes sense, so i'll move on lol

my eyes are barely staying open rn and i don't understand what's going on. it's only 10pm! maybe i should try to sleep? man, i don't know. i already have a few entries in standby, so what's one more, right?? i gotta pause this song though, i don't want it to be my #1 most listened to in the end-of-the-year spotify report lmao. oh for some reason that reminds me, i gotta try and remember (and write down) the dream i had last night... i promised je some paja gossip and a movie review, but i'm sure she'll understand; heck, she's probably asleep herself. i gotta put an alarm though, before midnight - because i haven't done my duolingo lessons today, oops. it's pathetic i know but i'm out of diamonds and those streak freezes are expensive as hell.