My Life as it is.
2023-05-29 17:21:38 (UTC)

Can I go back to bed?

Mondays suck lol.

I am so tired, I could literally just get up from my desk right now and go nap in my bed. I do need my job though, so I won't do that.

Friday night we had said we were going to do groceries and pick up dairy queen. When I got done work Justin was cutting the grass and had a few beer in him, so when we left to go to town he was like well aren't we going out to supper? I was like nah, I'm not feeling like sitting in a restaurant. So he was like well let's pick up some subway or something and go to your one of your parents house and eat it there with the DQ.
I ended up agreeing cause he was pretty adamant on it. We ended up staying at my moms late enough, then came back home and went to bed basically. Saturday morning we woke up, all seemed well, we fucked, then I started asking him what we were doing and he would just brush me off kind of. I said are we playing bingo? he said I don't know if I wanna work on my truck and toys and stuff. I said oh okay, then he had talked about going to get our fishing cards and stuff, so I asked about that too, I also wanted to go to breakfast and he just wasn't telling me what was happening.

Dude, if you need a day to work on your stuff, just tell me. If you don't feel like spending time with me, tell me. It's not complicated. It's almost like he just wants me sitting around waiting for him to randomly decide oh I wanna do this. So when I was coming back inside at one point, his sister outside hands me the bingo cards. I told her, well I don't think we're playing. She's like, oh well Justin told me to go buy them. Like come on, can I get a little notice? So being that my period is approaching, I know this is me overreacting, but I decided I wasn't playing. Like bro, you don't run the show, you could've told me in the morning like oh if I can someone to pick them up I might play. So I just went back to bed I was having a really bad day, and him and I just don't click at all when I'm having days like this. I swear he can sent when I'm over emotional and he litterally pulls shit that he generally wouldn't just to test me I think.

After bingo he's like well can we go to - and get our fishing cards and go try fishing. I had grabbed old fishing rods from my grandparents stuff which was old and stuff, but I was like okay let's do it. So I scramble to gets chairs, beers, cooler, water, rods, bug spray, sunscreen, etc. Not to mention check if I'm bleeing from taking a shit (bullshit), do my hair, get dressed in something that I won't be warm. Then he gets impatient, but it's like had you told me ahead of time, maybe I could of thought of all this stuff. Like I know I'm probably going to Rachel'S on my birthday, so I'm already thinking up a list of things that could be nice to have while tanning in warm weather.

Anyway, go get the fishing cards, then we went to this park to start fishing. Well he didn't know how to set up the line on my fishing rod, and his was already done when he bought it, so he set up looking at videos and then we set off. There was a nice dock there in the sunlight, no bugs. NOOOOO, we can't fish there. He starts walking down the bush and stuff, which is full of bugs. We didn't bring the chairs, I only brought a beer and my rod and smokes. I cast the line just to see if I can do it right as I haven't fished in years, and I've only ever fished without the button fishing rods like once. Anyway, not sure what happened, but the line kept releasing and when I tried to reel in it would reel in but the line would release so more from the bottom thing and got all tangled. I was getting eaten alive my mosquitoes (mosquitoes fuckin LOVE me, everyone knows that if they're sitting near me, they don't get bothered cause all of them are after me). Anyway, after not even 5 minutes doesn't the game warden show up.

He walks up, asks us how we're doing bla bla bla, I say oh the cards are in the car, I'll go get them. He spots my beer (which I hadn't opened yet) and asks who's it is. I say mine, he then continues to say that where we are it's illegal to have open containers in public areas so to bring it back to the car and if it had been open I wouldn't gotten whatever fine or bla bla bla. My first thought it, great now I can't even drink my fucking beer. Bring back the cards, everything is okay and he leaves. I spend another 5-10 minutes trying to figure out what the fuck is hapening with my rod, meanwhile Justin is fishing perfectly fine. He then asks if I need help, I say yes. He walks over and not even 10 seconds in starts bitching that I should be able to deal with this myself if I'm gonna come fishing bla bla bla. I take the rod back and tell him I'll deal with it myself then. He returns to fishing, I keep trying to deal with the mess, but he cut a part of the line somewhere, and from the bottom there's line now coming out of 3 places and I don't even know where it's really supposed to be coming out of, so I can't cut the line (I didn't even have a knife, he took off with it).

Needless to say, it didn't take long before I just grabbed my rod and went back to the car to put more bug spray on and sit in a chair and after 10-15 minutes of trying to undo it, I just put the rod in the car and sat in the chair really frustrated.

He then came out of the bush and decided he wanted to go to lunch. This really pissed me off. During the morning I had asked him, can we go to breakfast, he said oh I'm not hungry right now. At one point I had said okay can we go grab something for lunch then? I'd like to eat out. He said I don't now. So after bingo, which was at noon, I finally decided to just make myself a sandwich. But now, about 2 hours later, now he decides he wants to go get poutine. Anyway, leave the fishing spot, he says oh I wanna go to lunch then go back fishing. I say well I can't my rod fixed and there was alot of bugs where we were. He then proceeds to tell me that it's part of the game and that I have to deal with it myself and quit bitching basically and that if I wanna stay home all day and just game all day because there's no bugs and problems that I should do that.

Are you fucking kidding me? In the past month I can count on one hand how many rounds of games I've played on the ps, he literally plays every fucking day. Like where is that even coming from ? I asked him that and he's like I don't know, anyway there. I told him, like bro you play more than me so why are you even talking about gaming?

It's insulting that he even brought it up when I havn't been playing. No instead when I finish work I make supper, make desserts, clean up a bit. WHILE HE FUCKIN GAMES.

Anyway, that whole afternoon when I was driving, I was doing it wrong, when I was in the store I was leaning on the counter wrong, when I was asking what we were doing it was wrong, I swear he can sense when i'm emotional and just judges my every fucking move. I'm still so mad that he says stuff like that and doesn't apologize.

Anyway, get to the restaurant, he asks me what I want, I say nothing, I ate at home. He says well you want ice cream or something? No.
Didn't talk. I swear if after he was done eating he said go back to where we were, I would driven home and taken a fit. Instead, he sees that I'm quiet and furious, and instead of apologizing he just says we could go kayaking at your dads and I could fish there too. Which is what i would've given as a suggestion had he just answering me about the cards in the morning. I say okay.

He then asks a bunch of useless questions cause he knows I'm mad and he's trying to get me to talk to him instead of giving him a silent treatment. Did you text your dad and ask him if we could go? No. You want to go though right? Yes. Do we need to go home first? Yes.

Yes we have to go home first. You never let me know what's going on so I can PREPARE stuff. I need a swimming bottom, I get bladder infections easily from staying in wet clothes, I need a change of clothes and swimming bottoms, more bug spray, more water, to pee cause I can't piss in a bush (especially when all this weird bleeding shit is happening), I just need preparation. like I can't imagine if we have kids, it's like dude we can't just get up and leave, we need to think about stuff to bring, or at least give me a few a minutes to get the stuff I need.

Anyway, once we got to my dads we washed the kayaks and went on the water. I went my way, he went his. I had time to calm down, then my dad got home at some point, then his girlfriend got there, we were done kayaking, Justin had tried fishing on the kayak with no catch, when we stood on the dock and put his line in the water he caught a few and released them. He let me do it, I caught a sunfish. Anyway, then we chatted with them a bit and headed home because he had taken out steaks and put them in the sink. When we were at my dads he was asking if I wanted to go out to get supper, like no. I brought a change of shorts, I'm in my bikini top that has 0 support and didn't bring a bra cause there was steak in the sink. He agrees and says oh I forgot I had taken out the steak. Like yea bud, those steaks were like 10$ each, we're not just letting them go bad. We got back home at like 7pm. By the time i got the potatoes and onion ready, asparagus in the air fryer, it's 7:30 and nothing is even on my bbq. Which was fine, I wasn't starving and by that point I wasn't mad anymore.

I had bought hash last week, gave that a try. Took a little pouf in a water bottle, Justin took two bigger ones. We ate supper, lit a fire and then the sisterinlaw and her boyfriend came outside and sat by the fire. It was nice, we we're all chilling and Justin seemed happy for once to spend time with us. I kind of wanted to head in but he wasn't saying anything so I just asked him, are we going in soon cause if not I'll grab us more drinks cause I'm going to the bathroom. This was at like 11 probably. I asked two more time if he wanted drinks when I'd go in to pee, and he would say yes sure. I stuck to my beer all night, got pretty drunk. Around 1:30 he wanted to go on his four wheeler I agreed, we went together, then got back and I said my turn? He said sure. I drove around town and then when I went to come back the neighbor is on the road flagging us down. We grabbed another drink and went there for a few minutes, long enough for me to finish that beer, then we came inside. I showered quick cause I was pretty raunchy from being warm all day, full of bug spray and smelling like booze.

When I got in bed he hops on me and I was like hell yessss. We had just had sex that morning and it's usually not a multiple times a day kind of thing around here, but it was some good sex. I love drunk sex. Not like sloppy drunk sex, but Justin doesn't have that. He's either too drunk and isn't thinking about sex, or he's drunk and is good in bed. That was a good sex night. Went to bed it was probably past 3am easily.

Woke up sunday hungover around 10am, then went for a smoke and went back to bed to watch shows with him until about noon. We then decided that we needed to go do the groceries that we had put off all weekend. We also knew we had agreed the day before to go to supper at my mother in laws for my birthday. They're so sweet to celebrate my birthday.

Anyway, went to get coffee, subway, smokes, groceries and came back home pretty quickly. Ate half our subs ( I'm eating the rest soon today lol) then watched more tv. We were exhausted. I went for a nap too at some point. Around 5:30 I asked him, like are we still going? He said yes, they're going to pick up our suppers. I said okay, cause we both work tomorrow and I don't wanna be there too late. We don't usually stay long, but I just didn't wanna be there until 10pm, mainly cause I didn't feel like going at all lol.

Anyway, went over around 6, ate our supper, ate cake they got me, they're too sweet. Such a good cake, they sent us home with it so I'm gonna be picking at that all week if Justin doesn't eat it all first lol. We ended up home by 7:30 lol I guess Justin was just as tired as me.

Hash isnt like it used to be though, I got the least strongest there was available and even after on pouf I was pretty stoned on Saturday night. Maybe it's cause I don't smoke really anymore, but seriously how do people do the higher percentage of thc? I don't know but alot of people must be baked out their minds I couldn't do that. One was enough and now I'm good for a long time lol.

This morning i am a zombie. I think I went up and down the stairs like 20 times just forgetting stuff like my coffee downstairs, forgetting to connect my cable for internet, water to try my little personal air conditioner. This summer (the end of this week with such high temps) is going to suck up here in the heat, hopefully this little thing will help. It's already showing a light on and apparently that means I need to drain water out of it or something.

Anyway, back at it. This is such a long entry for no reason at all haha, I apologize. Still no update on my ring either.