Daily Thoughts
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2023-05-26 09:13:37 (UTC)

Am I still ok

I don't feel ok.
I want to say that I'm fine, but damn it I'm not.
Its been ages and I'm still not handing in my missed assignments, not because I haven't finished them (finished them a month ago) but because I'm too afraid that it isn't my best work, so I wait until everyone else had submitted it and look at their work (not all of their work; just the ones who usually get good grades and stuff) and see what I can improve, but its making me f**k myself up, seriously, since I keep wanting to improve but is still afraid that I'll improve on the wrong thing and lose the chance to get a perfect score, and everyone else is getting so many good scores and so many winning competitions while I'm just sitting here writing fanfanfiction and writing prompts. So I wait and wait and wait and wait, until I think its perfect (sadly I never do) and then hand it in, which just makes the teacher think that I'm stupid and they give me a not perfect score again.
I fully understand that this is a super bad habit AND will, in fact ruin my mental health, but I just can't help it, and when I'm stressed I procrastinate like I do now.
I really am a mess, huh? :(
Ok back to the normal stuff, have you ever heard of rollercoaster POV's? I watch them a lot because they give me the thrill of riding one without really having to go and ride one, since I have a fear of heights I don't ride rollercoasters, but they seem fun, so I'm trying to go onto some more mild ones. Still not ready for the bigger, faster ones with more turn tho :( Last time I had a dare with my lil brother that, if he went on one of the coasters, I'll go on the other one, but he actually WENT on that coaster, so I had to go on that other rollarcoaster (Which I thought was pretty mild beforehand, that's why I agreed). You know what?
It had a really big spin and I felt as if I almost fell out (I didn't), and when I came down I almost couldn't walk, but at least that was better than my friend (who cried). I didn't cry or scream and I was pretty proud of that :D
Ok that's all for today :)

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