Gone mental

Notes from my Black
Ad 2:
2023-05-28 04:32:43 (UTC)

The highest form of love

Edit: The highest form of love is the translation of Agape.

She always wanted us to have a private place we can chat online. It was supposed to be a place that if we died, no one would still have access to it. She asked me a long time ago to look into many apps and since I didn’t feel like it was time we’ll spent, I essentially ignored the request and the request went cold. Then she asked again to try. I knew I wasn’t doing my part… so when she came across the app “Agape” I said yea, downloaded it and started answering questions and responding to Her answers. Conversations were happening a little. It wasn’t terrible. A few months ago, I had not missed a day in a long while. I noticed she hadn’t been answering, but I didn’t ask. We all have our times we just don’t want to do something. She told me she didn’t like that the app want as engaging or pushing us more to communicate in meaningful ways. I missed a few days, and did a few more. In a flurry she answered a bunch and caught up… then she just kinda stopped. I went for another week, but now I don’t really want to. I feel like maybe I should just not.

The app recently asked a question and I spoke about how when she smiles, genuinely smiles, it’s easy to forget any stress or anxiety or sadness. I thought it was genuine.. she called me a liar- basically. She said it was disingenuous. It’s funny how when you finally open up and it’s not exactly what people expect or want, it must be false.

Anyway, I think I’m just not going to do it anymore. I don’t particularly like feeling broken. I’m getting used to it though… again.