Lilac lavendar2

Starting over
Ad 2:
2023-05-26 15:42:17 (UTC)

Tomorrow is the day! OMG I ..

Tomorrow is the day! OMG I feel like a little kid and tomorrow is Christmas. Seriously I am going to be a million miles away from the stage, but in my mind it's just me and Jelly. We had more frost last night and a frost warning tonight, so yeah I am 1000% sure the June bugs are dead so we should be safe tomorrow. If not I will just see if anyone has a xanax, so I will be able to deal. Just kidding those fuckers are big enough to punch so I will just be kung fu dancing/fighting NOTHING IS GOING TO RUIN MY NIGHT. I have been dreaming about this night well, since I found out the tickets were going on sale back in Feb I think. So you would think I would be a little more prepared, like what am I going to wear? It's going to be 77 degrees and sunny, a beautiful day for a beautiful concert outside. The venue said 'no illegal drugs allowed' ok but its fricking Willie Nelson, come on are you stopping him?

Last night when I got into bed, quietly so I didn't wake up Magic energizer bunny Mike, I thought about what I had said 'I took the easy route' by doing the norco instead of dealing with Chad's death, I would like to take that statement back, I didn't mean to imply that drug addiction was an easy route. An easy choice yes, but not an easy path/route

262 days norco free, who in the fuck would have ever thought that? Not me, 9 months ago all I wanted was norco, how could I get through the day if I didn't have it? all that stress, all the worrying, lying, deception....IT'S ALL FUCKING GONE!!!!!!!

I am blessed for sure!

So I just found out Mike has the next 3 days off, and I will be gone most of Saturday and Sunday, he is in absolute Heaven he said, he will have the whole house to himself, the whole bed, he said he will finally get a good night's rest, he isn't leaving this house and he isn't doing anything. He is hibernating, he deals with people all day and is just going to listen to music, relax and sleep....and try to get ready for me to come home on Sunday, he is probably pretty sure I will be talking his ear off, as well as trying to make up for lost time at the bean factory.

Then we will still have 1 day of complete rest left before we have to return to work, then that's payroll week and a new month so holla, work is going to be busy, which means it will fly I just have to get through today. I have a plan though, I am going to try to get out of there early today, I mean I seriously try to get out early every day, like the day I heard Tina Turner died, my boss had just left for lunch and I was like 'hey girls can you let N know that I just found out that Tina Turner died and I'm rolling, rolling, rolling on out of here to go mourn'

Laughter is the key to everything, you can't be frowning if you are smiling, you can't be sad when you are laughing. I remember back in my 20's I used to write notes to myself, when I was happy so I could remember when I would get sad what to do, the first was watch "america's funniest videos' that shit always gets me laughing, so does Wipeout, the big balls, man I used to make my kids watch those with me just to keep the laughter going. Like I said after Chad died, I only looked for 1 thing that made me laugh or brought me joy and that was it, can you imagine just looking for 1 thing and then you were done for 24 hours? How sad of a life I must have been living, well that is no more

Now I am open and ready and willing to embrace all that life has to offer me. Which is super convenient since today's meditation was 'relax and get ready to receive"

and it all started with getting rid of a little white pill

oh and getting rid of the lie I was telling myself, basically that no one loved me, they didn't care so it just didn't fucking matter

The do love me, they do care and now it's if they don't, they don't fucking matter.

I love me
I love life
I love everyone