rotten

who wants to be a millionaire?

i should be asleep, but instead... i'm watching the (second) episode of "who wants to be a millionaire?" where my friend h was a contestant. the commercial break on this damn app was longer than life itself, but damn it's wild seeing a person you know in real life competing in a show like this, e s p e c i a l l y with antti holma aka the my favorite person on earth as the host! i love how you can clearly see how much he hates everything, lmao. thank britney they've sped up the tempo of the show from the days of my childhood though. h just walked away with 10k - he got the 15k question wrong (i would've known the right answer mwahah. it was the name of the red lego ninjago character, the ninja of fire; which is, ofcourse, kai. i only know this because 'the fold', my used-to-be-favorite band, makes pretty much *all* the ninjago music) but thankfully it was only the first one after the 10k that's one of those "can't lose this" points. i'm now watching the next contestant and oh my goooooood how frustrating the first few questions are, i can't. it's so dumb and such a waste of time, truly the most useless part of this format... damn i love antti holma though. i do admit, however, that it's weird seeing him in a tux when just before this i listened to an episode of his podc-- project where he was being completely unhinged and told the listeners he was doing so with no pants on, haha. this second contestant is absolutely enfuriating, using the lifelines on the dumbest shit on the 5k question, ughhh. aaand; if antti holma called *me*, i would lose my shit. actually i'm not sure which i'm more jealous of, the 10k or the time h got to spend with holma - even though i've always said that i would never want to meet him, and i'm sticking to that. i would also be useless in a setting such as this show, and i'm poor as a rat, so. perhaps i'm more jealous of the money then, after all. they had a bunch of very good banter tho! even if antti is such a hater, haha - but then again.. h is such a weirdo, and a very funny guy; and in that magnificently dry way too, so. i shouldn't be at all surprised.

it's 4 am and i promised sa i'd make it to paja by 10, so i should probably try sleeping at some point - i'm not tired at all though, as per usual. i might dye my hair later; or earlier, ehe ehe. OH and ju1 is coming to town tomorrow (today)! he'll be here around 2, and goes to n & m's to see the baby. mi will be there once she's finished with work, and i'm going whenever i feel like it and have taken w out first. ju's gonna stay the night at my place; i'm not particularly happy about that. the apartment is a hot mess, and there's dog hair e v e r y w h e r e. the shedding's gotten completely out of hand; it's a hair hell around here nowadays. i would need to spend the entire day organizing and cleaning to not feel anxious about allowing someone in here, but... i just don't have the energy. i did warn him though, and he said he doesn't mind, but i mean. i mind. it's also the first time we're seeing each other after he started dating soh, so that'll potentially be weird too - although they've already broken up, idk if i wrote about it or not. i only recently found out; ju messaged me on tinder and i asked what he was still doing there, so he told me they broke up a few months ago. i don't know why, but i suspect it has things to do with his, uhmm, substance use. i'd imagine soh is not supportive of that kinda thing, since if i'm honest, i'm not either. i wouldn't mind trying weed out though, as many other neurospicy folk have had pretty good experiences with it; i would prefer to try it somewhere where it's legal though, and where i could be sure of the ...quality of the product. i'd like for it to be prescribed actually, now that i think of it. idek why, perhaps it's got to do with my upbringing, but either way. i don't think it'll take *that* long for cannabis to be legalized here tho, so. fingers crossed, lol. pffft... i don't know. i hope it won't be weird with ju. i'll probably just stare at the ceiling, clean while he's here, and.. and, and things like that, huh? we'll see. it's fun to see n, m, o and mi too! it's been such a long time. on saturday i might meet up with La, there's some kind of a small carnival thing happening in her area? the website wasn't clear, but. yeah. idek. anway.. OK now, to dye or not to dye??? how the hell am i supposed to decide??

damn it's almost c o l d in this apartment *mind blown*. didn't know this was ever gonna happen again, so i'm haaapppyyyyy! tomorrow i'm gonna wear jeans, praise britney! i'm yawning like a crazy person,somebody please, come and take me away, to dreamland, a s a p... ugh. my toes are frozen. LET IT GOOOOOO... ok no. just no. i'm way too tired for this shit, and i still need to hairpin my blackout curtains shut, so. i better get on it. hey another shorter entry, yay! there are other stuff i'd like to write about; the friendship of weeners, time spent at lategame, a few of the guys at paja., my new passport, the cyprus flights being booked, things i'm nervous about. the gig, the ponies, the bunnies, the sodas. how it's been going with s, them being busy, things being weird. the new dude possibly having a crush on sa, my crappy mornings, how useless i've been at (not even) getting myself new glasses... the list goes on and on and on and on and on and on and... yeah, on.

my brain is a noisy place, and i'm not a big fan of that. i'm also very nervously waiting on the results of my rehabilitation applications; or the money thing - living like this sucks. sucks balls, sucks hard. too hard, i can't take it ufghhhhh. ok i think i'll skip the hair dye and only wash it in the morning. booooooooo the monkey