marielmia

Post shrink sesh reflection

I had my therapy sesh this morning. Plenty to talk about and I really did want to talk about my feelings. Of course, i'm pretty guarded about certain stuff. I kinda equate self consciousness and lack of confidence with my desire for submission. While i don't tell the doc all about the details of my life, i do tell him i have a submissive nature. But while I don't tell all in these sessions, it does make me think about issues when i'm alone. Of course, i have no real idea how i hold on to my inner demons when i went to hypno therapy a while back. Maybe my subconscious is not as strong as my conscious. Maybe my conscious mind invades my subconscious one? Ha!

Anyways, we talked ablut my attraction to confident men. Not over confident, meaning more of a false confidence. Most guys, even Javier, delivered on what they said. I don't last long with blow hards. But i'm truly putty for a guy who knows what he wants.

We talked abut how i could take charge of certain things with men like that. I don't have to chase dullards. But i have to thik about myself. What i have done and things I have achieved on my own. Think more highly of myself.

I think i did that with ERdoc. I told him i would be away (true) and confirmed the thought that he was a friend right ow and he knows why. That if he had designs on me being an easy fuck, then, uh, NO.

So I am making progress in that arena. Now, with M, IDK. He's been much more easy going this time. His aggression level is much lower. I don't mean he is hurtful, btw, just he's usually in command of all situations. He's more , well, just easiy is the word. I'm not dislikeing it, but i was ready for something else. Shows ya what i know!

And the box remains unopened. Wonder how that will play out. I haven't inquired and he hasn't offered. Mind game here? Guess I'll see what the weekend has to offer. Hope the weather's nice.

XOXO, Mariel