my diary
2023-05-22 17:16:36 (UTC)

i bombed today

till now all i have done is giving done is giving that love . but damn i am still not good at it . all the love i gave till now was to my mom , to my family. still there is not a still person whom i can have when i am in pain. now all i get from them is pain . i ofc grew into a good family . i have a roof on top, three times warm meal a day , good clothes good education . all the things my parents couldn't have they are giving it to us... but why do i still feel so empty ? a roof on top, three times warm meal a day , good clothes good education . these all feel like burden . the world is all about give and take . i got those from them and i need to give them trophies instead of all these . i need to make them proud of me . sometimes i think all the hard work i am doing is it for me or for them. yea it's for me cus what i will have in future will only belong to me . they went through hard times cus they didn't get enough support . i have it easy . so i should be greatful to them right? why doesn't it feel right still? their each and every painful words are stuck in my heart . i cant remember their good words . i dont remember telling them i should be happy . i should do what i want to do .... nothing i do makes them happy. only my good report card makes them proud . i am scared to make them disappointed. i am being a bad child right? will they love me the way i do if i dont meet their expectations???

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