Life of secrets
2023-05-16 05:43:32 (UTC)


I woke up early. I’ve really been struggling with getting out of bed in the mornings lately. But today, I got up at 6.15am. Currently having my coffee and thinking about going to the gym.

I know I need to go. Or at least do a home workout. I’ve been exercising but the last 3-4 days I didn’t do good with the eating. I feel like I’ve bloated out again. I went a bit crazy with the cravings.

Pickles has been one thing. I’ve gone through a couple jars of pickles. And sweets. On the weekend I went to the shop and got a bunch of sweets and devoured them. I don’t usually eat sweets.

And those pickle kits on TikTok? Don’t get me started. Absolutely love them. I’ve had 3 and the sour sis one really hit the spot last night. Like wow. It was like everything I’ve been craving, in one.

And no I’m not pregnant. I wish. I’m probably just lacking in some kind of nutrition.

In fact, every time I get some kind of pregnancy symptom now, I’m like don’t even think about it. It never is and I always end up disappointed, so forget it.

I’ve got some predictions now telling me I won’t conceive until next year. You know I’ve got predictions from some saying I’ll definitely conceive in 2021 and be pregnant with my second in 2022? Hah!

2023 and not even one.

Nothing can be more disappointing than that.

Over the weekend we went out with some other couples and the majority of talk was about their kids. I had to keep telling myself that one day it’ll be me. I had to otherwise I’d have been in the toilets, sobbing.

No news on the house yet. Still waiting for a mortgage. At this point I’m wondering why it seems my patience is being tested with everything in my life? Am I not patient enough? Was it not tested enough when I got married ?

The retrograde is over. And I’m expecting the offer to come through this week.

My husband doesn’t want to move if we don’t get the house. He says we will pay the extortionate rent they are asking for.

For this place?? I don’t think so.