AmberG

12/05

Well I left home at 3 and the sat nav told me I would be in Telford by 4.45. I finally got there around 5.40. Nightmare journey took the wrong motorway and had to turn around. Then the stupid sat nav took me down these horrible country roads. Then I had to get to the hotel from there which took another 40 minutes. Anyway we got to the hotel ok. It's horrible. The beds are broken. There are no light bulbs in the lamps. The plug socket by the bed is hanging off the wall and doesn't work. The bath is tiny not much bigger than a sink. But I'm looking forward to having a hot shower without worrying about the water off or the gas running out. Think I'll try and drown myself.

Still I am so looking forward to tomorrow. Even though we have to leave super early to get there in time. Just went outside for a smoke got chatting to a couple of guys. Their beds are broken too. One of them said he was going to sleep in his van. So the hotel's not great but I'm not going to let it bother me. I'm going to enjoy this weekend.

I feel like I've left something behind at home. I don't know what it is yet. It will come to me when I'm looking for it tomorrow. That sounds like a tomorrow problem.

Just been talking to him. He said the hotel we stayed at back in January when we met last time. Is only 30 minutes from Telford. I wish I had known that before. We could have met up. What am I saying. I'm not ready for that. I don't know if I ever will be. Mum won't like it. And dad said he'd fall out with me. I know he doesn't mean it he's being proactive. I love that. I don't want to let them down. Mum has got me through the worst of it now. And if I go back to him I know I will go downhill again. And I really don't want mum to worry. And I know she will. I miss them. It's only been a few hours I hope they're ok. I know they are. But it's natural for me to worry about the people I love. I can't help it. I have to make sure I get some really good pictures of me in my dresses and send them to mum.

I am so excited for tomorrow. I'm meeting so many people for photo shoots. Well not so many I've got 3 tomorrow and I think 4 on Sunday. I'm meeting the charmed cast. And my favourite halliwell sister. It's going to be amazing and I'm going to look fabulous. Though Laura is complaining about my wig. She was going to style it but she tried to brush it and it didn't go too well. Anyway she's going to do it in the morning. Put the tiara on and style it around that.

We went to Sainsbury's after we booked in to the hotel. I bought food for tonight and I've got no appetite. I don't know what is wrong with me. I wanted chicken so I got some and now I can't eat it. I should try because there's no fridge in the room and it won't be any good tomorrow night when we get back. Anyway Laura fancied some pickled eggs. So I said that sounds good get a jar and we'll share them. Got to the checkout and I ended up paying for them. Cheeky bitch. I don't care though I'm too excited for tomorrow.

Laura's in the shower and I keep hearing her swearing and shouting. That doesn't sound good. I've got to go in there next. She takes forever. Though I will be in there for a while.

I really want a smoke before bed but it's like a mile walk up and down a million stairs to get out to the carpark and back. And I can't be arse. I'm tired and I haven't even taken my medication yet. Don't think I will need that sleeping pill tonight. I'll see how I feel after my shower. I will need a cigarette before bed.

I've just had a dizzy spell. I'm hoping it's because I'm tired and had a long drive. Though it hasn't happened before. Maybe it's because I'm excited or had a lot of coffee.