AmberG

10/05

Had another weird dream last night. So I took mum out and left her. She was stranded and ended up in hospital. I went to visit her and her other children were all having a go at me and refusing to let me see her. I waited until visiting time was over and tried again. I still wasn't able to see her. It was horrible.

So I called citizens advice today and they told me I can sue the hotel for breach of contract and damages. I'm still trying to get hold of the hotel but they are refusing to answer the phone. I don't know what else to do. I have sent them messages and they are ignoring them. So what's the answer. It's ruined the weekend for us because we had to pay out for the other hotel and now neither of us have money to spend when we're there.

Saw the nurse again today. She weighed me and said since June last year I have lost over a stone. Then she was going on about my diet. But I must be doing something right if I've lost that much without trying. My blood pressure is still high so she has increased one of the tablets I take to help lower it. I didn't want to go but mum said I had to. The nurse took some blood and said I should get the results tomorrow. So I've got to go back in 2 weeks for another blood test. She was really gentle putting the needle in I didn't even feel it. Which was good. I said she could do it again.

I have just had an email from the hotel. It's funny as soon as I mentioned talking to a solicitor they have now issued a refund. It should be in my account by Friday so just in time for comic con. I'm so relieved. But it doesn't solve the issue of the stress and anxiety and the extra petrol I will be using.

Had a good laugh with mum tonight. There's a new guy on the site and over the WhatsApp group I said to watch out for her and dad because they are well dodge lol. Mum called me an arsehole it was so funny. Hootie tootie would have seen it too and I'd love to know what she thought.

Mum tells me every night that she loves me and I always reply with I love you too mum. And I do love her. I've never said I love you and didn't mean it. And when I love I do it with my whole heart. I also feel things a lot more intensively because of the EUPD. So when I get hurt I feel it hard and it feels like my world is crashing down around me. When I've lost people in the past it really affects me. So when I lost him it sent me spiraling out of control. If I hadn't gone to see mum that day I hate to think what would have happened. Dad opened the door to me and he could see I was upset and brought me in. Mum hugged me so tight but it calmed me down enough to tell her what was happening. And we haven't looked back. She came with me this morning to see the nurse. We had a joke about with the nurse. She asked me how much fruit juice I drink. I looked at mum and laughed and said I only drink it in cocktails. We also talked about how big a portion of cheese is. I said when I do a pasta bake I just chuck in a whole bag. It's not like I'm eating all of it there's usually 3 of us and it's not everyday. Maybe once a week if that. So I'm not going to change that. The only thing I need to change is how much sugar I'm having. But I don't know how I'm going to do that because I really don't add sugar to anything. I drink bottles coffee which does contain a bit of sugar but I'm not going to cut down on my coffee. The nurse also said I need to stop smoking. That's not going to happen. I tried vaping but it wasn't for me. Nothing beats that first cigarette in the morning.

Am I a wuss though. Just been bawling my eyes out because I've just watched the last episode of supernatural. I knew what was coming as well and I still cried my eyes out. I'm still crying now.