barefoot & barely lifelike
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2023-05-09 23:35:35 (UTC)

horrors and hanami

so yeah, s is back from their vacation. i didn't ask where they were or what they did, and neither did anyone else. i'm hella curious though, i just can't function near them. i have no idea what the hell is wrong with me, but i'm pretty sure it's serious - i might be losing my mind. today at paja when i went to the bathroom i silently screamed 'how can anyone be that fucking hot' at my reflection. i mean sure they're probably the hottest person i've ever laid my eyes on but still, this. is. not. normal. i don't obsess over people, i don't experience crushes, and this is a weirdly intense one. dang i wish they found another job or something, anything. the whole thing is driving me insane. and there are so many things i don't like about them, to be completely honest i'm not sure if they're cut out for their job as they're kind of a wuss, i don't think they're the sharpest tool in the shed and i hate the way they talk about food and movement, especially in a place like that. their views are hella unhealthy and there's a lot of fucked up body image and diet culture speech going on. their smile might be the kindest on this planet, but since there's more to a person than their smile, sense of humour and charisma, this is seriously f'd up. and i don't like it. long gone are the days when i thought i might as well enjoy feeling something again, lol. how dumb of me that was. i need to figure something out if i intend to continue visiting their work place in a weekly basis. oh, and on the note of feeling something again - L went on a date with th, that delightful feminist guy i've followed on ig for a few years! the one who mia always trys to urge me to ask out, lmao. they had a nice time, the date sounded lovely and L seems to be really excited about him. it's kinda funny all things considered, but it would be kinda amazing if they got together. i've always wondered what he's like irl.

the allergy season is upon us. s and L are both pretty much dying and even my own nose keeps running (i can never say/write that without imagining a cartoon nose with tiny legs running away from the rest of the face btw). the parking lot did indeed get washed and i made it to morning's last nr 30 bus. got nothing done at paja tho, didn't read even one page of my book and attended no other groups. we did play 4 or 5 games of yatzy though, s was dominating today - i only won the last one. all four of us yatzy wieners were together for a while, i had an overpriced chicken 'n rice bowl for lunch and we left paja to go see the cherry blossoms in town. they were magical! i haven't taken pictures in a loong while, the light was excellent and me, sa and je were all being all tourist-y together, so i had no shame stanging on the wall and snapping away. i'm really pleased with a few of the shots i got, i even made an ig *feed* post with them. my latest three were all from different years; now there's two from 2023. and it's only may! quite an accomplishment, again. well well well, aren't those just lining up these days. i still haven't done any laundry though - i might actually need to go naked tomorrow. oh well, at least i have a ton of pretty pictures of pink flowers. i'm not sure if i had ever seen cherry blossoms before, at least not that many trees side by side. i'm glad i got to see them, i know they won't last long. tomorrow is the opening seremony of the ice hockey world championships, and i bet there'll be a huge crowd. i hope they won't go shaking the trees or something, smh. you never know with hockey fans in this country. i predict the first win and they'll go craycray, there'll be nothing left of the entire town center... although it has survived two championship wins quite recently, so i guess it's a tough enough for another year of shenanigans.

i got to season 7 of the office and switched to wednesday. i'm on episode three, and the burning of the old meeting house filled with people makes me sick to my stomach. knowing things like that surely happened in real life too - and that that's not even the worst of it... ugh. i'll need to decide on what series i'm gonna (re)start next. maybe superstore? it's too early for another round of tbbt, and i'm sick of friends and gilmore girls (gasp!). i still have a season of b99 to watch tho, maybe i'll finally go for that one. well, we shall see. i should do the laundry now, or else i won't be awake to hang it to dry. i might even try and figure out tomorrow's lunch. it's a long day at paja after all. i gotta remember to pack my bullet journal and the postcards i chose for the latest two of my postcrossing recipients. should i straighten my hair? or braid it. the great questions of life, i know. oh my britney the homeless guy got killed by the hyde, another scene i'm not a fan of. i'm such a wuss, this show is targeted at like. teenagers. yet still... even this one is almost too dark for me. it's probably all the horror movies i watched as a young child, or the fact that real life itself is all the horribleness i desire. i don't enjoy the feeling of fear, i don't like to wittingly create anxiety - there's enough of that born within without me having any say in it.

it's also the eurovision week - cha cha cha made it to the finals. i kinda promised to watch saturday's final with sa, but then i realized i kinda promised i'd go to my mum's on friday... maybe i won't go unless the tire swap works out for friday. sunday is mother's day though, so i'd like to go for that (and i guess i could take a bus and leave my car, and tires, for my parents to worry about) but i have my pppt appointment pretty early on on monday, soooo. i don't know what to do. feels dumb driving there just for a day, but then again... idk. i gotta figure out something nice but cheap to do for my mum on sunday! maybe a small cheesecake? that's always her fave thing. perhaps she was trying to hint something today with that toasted white chocolate cake recipe link? hmmm. i'm going to watch our le on thursday, my sis-in-law has to go to this meeting at e's daycare. i hope we'll be fine, but mum reassured me le is like a dream when ever her mom's not around, so i'm counting on that. e's birthday is in a week and damn i'm happy we already got her a gift - two, to be accurate - and a card. me & mum have never been this early for anything in our lives probably ever, lmao. i don't know if my sister's family will make it to the celebration, and i still gotta figure out where w'll go if i leave for my trip that weekend. we've planned to meet up with the 'crying butts' (why oh why do all my friend groups have such disturbing nicknames? perhaps i'm the reason) and ti is allergic, sooo. yup. i haven't seen a in ages - j and ti i saw last summer. i hope it'll be okay and i can find a way to afford it all.

OK now i really need to get cracking. laundry. packing. and food. for now and for tomorrow.