kestrel

Soon Back at Home

Personal entry follows.
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I want to better-prepare myself mentally for my return to the eco-institute. I also want to further explore Stoicism and begin more Stoic practices. So this is one of them.

"The unexpected blow lands hardest." Things that one doesn't think of can have the most profound effect. While "pleasant surprises" are just that, this is especially the case in terms of tragedy and bad news suddenly befalling a person. In order to avoid this kind of thing affecting me so intensely, just yesterday I began "thinking unpleasant thoughts," regarding my life and times at the eco-institute.

There are a number of things I'd consider to be worst-case scenarios. Personally, I don't want to be caught flat-footed if something bad happens, or end up shell-shocked following an incident I hadn't anticipated.

For example, I might arrive and find out my tent has been damaged in some way. Maybe there would be water infiltration, a tear in the tent membrane where water came in and began pooling in there. It could have drenched my leftover clothes. It could have soaked through my boxes of books.

I had actually padlocked-closed my tent prior to leaving. I had felt a bit burned by whomever it was who walked-off with my box of my posessions, and didn't want that to happen again. What if they showed up again, felt foiled by the lock, and so created another opening? What if they cut a hole in the side, and then took even more stuff? Although unlikely, it's still possible.

What if I've fallen out of favor with the guy who manages the place? Personally I feel like I sacrificed a lot by participating in meetings twice every weekday while off site. I don't feel like it was a true "vacation" or whatever, though I did attempt to make the best of the situation, and I did not slack off with those phone calls. That said, it may be that my performance might be seen as unsatisfactory. Maybe none of that time will "count" towards me being granted an acre of land. Maybe someone else will be considered to be the intern supervisor.

Even if not just one, but -all- of these things have happened, that doesn't mean that all is lost. Provided I can still work at the eco-institute, I will. Provided I will still be eventually granted stewardship over an acre, then I will. Granted, if the acre is no longer an option on the table, I'll be heading elsewhere. I have options and acquaintances, and even a few invites I can entertain. So even in pursuing a homesteading lifestyle, if everything falls apart at the eco-institute, I still have options.

If the tent is damaged or destroyed, be it nature or someone else who's the culprit? Well, they're physical possessions that can eventually be replaced. Some of them weren't even necessary, and I'd consider them luxuries anyway. But life will still be fun and full of purpose without them.

I'm confident that I've talked this out thoroughly. All that's left now is to finish up today's drive - I have about 250 more miles to go - and load out to the tent (or if in the case of tent problems, a bunk). I'm passing through town on my way to the eco-institute and I plan on having the car maintained and checked (I put over 5000 miles on the car in the space of a month), and even stop by my usual cafe', pizza joint, and donut shop, plus a few more errands. That's the plan, anyway.

Just one more car ride. Take it as it comes: one mile at a time, one minute at a time.

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kestrel.diary [at] tutanota.com