Life of secrets
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2023-05-04 19:28:54 (UTC)


My God. Is this retrograde making anyone else reminisce over their “old life” ? I’ve got my hand up. I’m reminiscing but also thinking about who I used to be and how I miss that version of myself. That was a good version. I miss my friends! Over the last 5 years I’ve slowly fizzled everyone out and I actually miss my friends. I miss having friends.

The people in my life now are not my friends.

I’ve been scrolling back in my Instagram. I went all the way back to 2013. I had a little laugh and I had a little cry.

I’ve managed to stick with my “get fit for one month” so far. I’m on my 4th day. But this is the longest I’ve stuck with it for a very long time. Sadly. I’ve been exercising and all I’ve been eating is breakfast and dinner. I haven’t been able to skip lunch in a very, very long time…. And not on purpose.

I want to stick with it. I want to be that girl in those Instagram photos. I want to feel like me again.

I had a reading from the reader I used to go to and trust a lot. But this one was quite different to the one she did about a couple months ago for me. Can things change that drastically ?? I mean this time round she was saying about possibly having an examination that speeds things up for pregnancy. As far as I’m aware, there is nothing else left for me to have done. And she said about energy blocks. I’m surprised since I’m having reiki. The blocks should be much better. She wasn’t too sure about us getting this house anymore either.

Then my reflexologist told me about a woman who had anti sperm antibodies. Like, what the fuck? She said it might be something for me to look into. Basically it’s when your body just kills the sperm. Maybe I have that? I don’t know. But something else to worry about.

I feel like everyone is just clutching at straws because there’s no real reason. I’ve heard it all. If my body is killing his sperm then I’m so done.