The Dairy Of Oblivion
2023-05-01 19:54:54 (UTC)

Torment v2

The feeling of “loss” is gone but something even worse happend I think. Lmao I realized that I still love m. The person that made me cry almost every night, made me feel completely worthless and not enough is still my first choice and the person that makes me smile. My god how a human being can be that stupid? How I can come back to the person that hurt me multiple times and still care about them and our “relationship”? How can I be that dumb to “forgive” everything they did and even agree to being ignored and ghosted sometimes for another person? I thought I lost feelings. I thought now I don’t need them, that after they hurt me I’ll be finally able to live free without them and without constantly worrying if I’m good enough for them. But no, they had to start acting like we never started arguing and make me feel happy? for a second. That’s what doomed me, if something made me happy for a slightest moment I’ll be coming back to that thing even tho it would be better and healthier if I just let go and began moving forward. My god I hate this relationship so motherfucking much :333